Idol?

Let's just say a couple of thing first 1. My oldest 3 boys play outstanding soccer. They work at it and are very crafty with the ball. 2. I LOVE watching them play. 3. Soccer has become a part of our family. 4. It's our entertainment even when we just hang out together.

Ok. I think you have ample information about that. Well, as anything in life can become, something that you love can consume your thoughts and time. The funny thing is that you have no idea that you're so addicted. But, then something happens and it's exposed. It's usually VERY ugly and disturbing.

Here's the story:

We have been having a little difficulty getting my oldest boy to think beyond just what he's specifically told to do. In addition, we are trying to establish a good work ethic in him. We feel that if he wants to continue playing soccer at the high level he's playing and the commitment of time for the family, that he should have a regimen that he performs to get better as his end of the "deal" to play. We have a 7 minute drill that is a great footwork drill that provides several hundred touches in (you guessed it) 7 minutes. He also has to do push ups, sit ups, etc. to keep up his skills and prove to us that this is something that he really wants to do. (Essentially, that he would want it bad enough that he'll work on it outside of scheduled practices) the consequence for not doing it is losing it.

Well, as any 12 (wow he's already 12...time is passing way too quickly) year old would do...he didn't complete the regimen for quite a while. I have always made an attempt to allow him to keep playing as long as we saw improvements. Well, a few weeks ago, we told him that I wasn't going to remind him anymore and that it really had to be his desire...not mine. He did well for a couple of weeks from what I could tell. He even played better during the games in that time period when he was really putting out an extra effort at home. It did not last as long as I would have liked. As chance would have it, he was getting a lecture regarding a similar matter that wasn't soccer so I threw out the question, "Are you doing your 7 minute drills?" He had no idea how badly I hoped he was doing them. 3v3 season starts in a couple of weeks and I am really excited about having 2 boys playing competitively this summer. Unfortunately, he said "Nope, not for the last couple of days."

My heart sank. I immediately said that he could not play 3v3 this summer. After all, that was the arrangement and leniency on other matters was what caused all the questions in the 1st place. It was time to be firm. What happened next shocked me. I was so saddened and disappointed that I lost it. I balled about it....right there in front of everyone. I felt like I was the one getting punished. In a sense, I was. It's so a part of us that I love watching them. The wife said that I was upset because I was losing my entertainment. Maybe so, but I found myself thinking things like, "how far behind will this make him" "can we punish him a different way?" That was when I discovered that I was too into it. An idol had been formed and I was worshipping it without even knowing it. God is good to reveal such things!

I feel like I need some sort of 12 step program to get over this!

Wow.