I think I am finally understanding a little more about what rewards are. Or, at least what one really feels like. Right now I am blessed to be leading music at Awana at Immanuel baptist. It's basically singing songs with a bunch of kids. The first couple of times I was really feeling pressured for just the right songs, playing the guitar just so...the feedback was minimal. After all a majority of the kids are too young to read! We are about 7 or 8 weeks into it and those kids have remembered most of the words to the songs!!! Wow! Kids are just amazing. What a reward to be able to hear all those little voices singing praises to God...it's awesome.
So, I still want to play well an pick the right songs, but the pressure feels lifted. Another reward!!
I am so glad the pastor asked me to do this. I am starting to understand a little more about love and service...and the rewards involved. No, it's not about the reward since I know that so much of what we do is either done without reward (which is fine), rewarded in heaven, or not worthy of a reward due to impure motives or what ever...but, in THIS situation, I have a newly realized reward that I probably would not have considered a reward before I did this.
That probably doesn't make any sense. I guess it doesn't have to.
I had to take care of some things at the office last night and my 10yo came with me. He swept floors, stacked thin clients, rolled cables...and the best thing was he did them so happily. He's such a great help.
Eat less and exercise. Eat your veggies. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
I have been given correct advice so many times from very wise people. Typically, I would just admire from a distance but be to afraid or unwilling to act on my own.
At the same time, I have experienced various successes. People occasionally inquire how certain things were accomplished. Yet, they think things like....that works for you, but (insert excuse here).
Why do we do that? The only reason I can think of is that we are too in love with our own ways.
My parents made the rounds for this summer and are now headed back to sunny, warm, boring Florida. It was great having them here. My dad worked furiously to get my boat in good repair...he pretty much knocked everything out on it too! It looks better than I expected it to. He is leaving just at the time comes to use it...oh well, maybe next year. Mom made vegetarian egg rolls in mom style. Manna from heaven...yum.
It would be pretty cool if they would just move here...maybe my sister and her family would too then.
Speaking of my sister...she came for a very short visit as well. She brought my oldest nephew with her. I sure do like having him around. He's just a really great young man.
I had a crazy idea to take the kids camping. But, not just camping around here, camping where I used to go as a kid. I have a lot of fond memories camping at Baskahegan lake when we lived in Maine. Sleeping in the front of the truck, fishing ALL day, and the food!!!
I looked up directions on google maps to see how far it is from here...1920 miles...each way. 64 hours of driving. 200 gallons of gas. That's where it really became crazy. 800 dollars, just for gas!
What do you say when someone asks you that question? It's typically become a greeting that really doesn't warrant an honest answer. It has become the more sincere "hi". But, even so, shouldn't my answer reflect the truth. And not just the truth as it pertains to that instant, but eternally?
I find myself being so caught up in what's happening to me that I become a victim of my circumstances. A prisoner of the situations that I am in. I have a hope that's greater than all things that could ever happen to me on this earth. I have the bread of life that will sustain me for eternity. What should I feel ho hum about? Or, even slightly depressed?
I read in John where Jesus says He is the bread of life. That the food He has will fill us forever...that's the food I have. So, I think from now on when people ask me, "how are you?" I am going to answer "full!"...
My mom, dad and grandmother are visiting and I find myself struggling with something. I really love that we pray at meals, but, my extended family are not believers. They participate but I can tell they are uncomfortable and that makes me nervous...so, I had been praying for us before they joined the table...but, that might give the kids the impression that I am ashamed. It's hard to pray when you know there are those around the table that are staring at the top of your head as they don't participate. They are good sports about it and hold hands with everyone. But, my dad occasionally utters a "geez" when it's time and I really don't like an authority figure doing that...
I have 2 sets of kids…the first are the pre Vas kids and the others are post Reversal kids. There are about 4 years separating the 2 groups. The first group of kids are amazing young people now. They all appear to love the Lord and love service to Him. They are amazingly well mannered, sweet and pleasant to be around. We all have flaws and they do to..but, for the most part they are perfect.
This post is about my 2nd set of kiddos. They are also extremely wonderful, well-mannered and pleasant. But, they are the unfortunate recipients of older, less aggressive parenting. I often wonder how things will turn out with them. It seems like they get the short end of the stick from me. It's so easy for me to expect the same things from them as I do their older sibs. For the most part, they live up to it. I can't help but think that they are only "responding" and not really understanding. My memory may be way off but with our first group I seem to recall taking the time to explain things, having the energy to respond immediately to situations that need attention. Now, it's more like I just want "it" done – without the work or explanations and I think my littles are the ones that will pay the price for it.
I need to focus more energy and patience with them. They are amazingly eager to please and as they get older, I need to spend the time to make sure there's more understanding and less, "Cuz I'm the dad" reasoning. They need to be prepared and not surprised by what the world is like – I need to teach it to them…Teach = work. Like everyone else, I need more energy and hours in the day to accomplish this. However, there will be opportunities for me – now, if I would only take advantage of them.
When I was reading John 3 I noticed something that didn't stick out before. Jesus was talking with Nicky and talking about being born again and believing on Him. The he stated that, like Moses did to the serpent, believers would need to lift Him up ... Actually, here's the verse from the ESV translation:
Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen, but you do not receive our testimony. If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you heavenly things? No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. (John 3:11-15 ESV)
I think this is what Jesus is referencing:
From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom. And the people became impatient on the way. And the people spoke against God and against Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food." Then the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many people of Israel died. And the people came to Moses and said, "We have sinned, for we have spoken against the Lord and against you. Pray to the Lord, that he take away the serpents from us." So Moses prayed for the people. And the Lord said to Moses, "Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole, and everyone who is bitten, when he sees it, shall live." So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole. And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live. (Numbers 21:4-9 ESV)
Once everyone who is bitten sees it, they shall live. Even though the are repentant, it didn't remove the punishment. But, God provides salvation from His wrath. So, we are bitten, we need to look upon Jesus who was raised up on a cross in order to live...
I find myself looking backward a lot. For example, when I see a picture of my family from when we lived in Colorado, I think of how I really liked that place. It makes me long to go back. I really have to purposefully recall reasons why we left. Then, I usually move on just remembering about some of the good times we had or benefits of that place.
When you're thinking of how great something was and constantly looking back it's hard to see what you're walking toward. It's part of the reason we left Colorado. We kept looking back and longing for what was or what we had back here.
The moral of the story is that if you have divided interests, it's impossible to give 100%.
We are considering churches right now. The issue that's becoming painfully obvious in dividing interests between churches is this very matter. We look over our shoulder at each church thinking, if this one had that or that one had this.
Just like being lulled, I think this needs careful examination and a tough decision. I am having a hard time reconciling the spilt interest...
I had a great conversation with one of my good friends about this topic last night. He has struggled with this issue as well and has resolved a few things in his mind and he shared them with me and asked questions and quoted scripture.
One important resolution was a question: what did Zaccheus do after he made all things right? What about all the people that saw Him after He raised from the dead. Scripture said there were 500 that saw Him. Furthermore, he mentioned how Paul was a full time missionary...and had the support from Christians in many of the cities that he visited. The point is that there were people that are the supporters. Those that do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with their God. These folks love the lord and glorify them in their day to day activities and aren't necessarily mission folks or pastors or anyone that had a great calling...
I have been listening to a book called "Radical" by David Platt. It's exposed quite a bit about this lulled topic. I have also corresponded with one of my very good friends who has also had excellent information. Let me try to sum them both up.
Radical makes great statements about how we aren't going all out for Jesus. More like, making Him "work" around our lives. Furthermore, it really highlights those that have committed to him and the results in their lives. It's very convicting. Many could consider this book as a saved by works kind of book. That we need to DO things to make God happy. But, I disagree. To me this book assumes you already understand some basic "Christianese". I think this book falls in the category - "Saved by grace alone, by Christ alone...now what" category. Just like Crazy Love is. I don't think it's fair to assume that these books are for those that are seeking how to start a relationship with Jesus...but, how to continue and abide in Him according to scripture and the Holy word.
I think this is a confusing issue to some (like my good friend for instance). And, I am not saying that I have it all figured out or understand the authors motives, etc. I am just listening to it from where I am now. Not as a seeker of salvation - but, one that wants to fully understand what a relationship means beyond salvation. If that makes any sense at all. In addition, I am trying to weigh it all against scripture and (or attempting to) discern truth.
Currently, I think the song by Matthew West sums up where I am in a very basic regard. The song is called "My Own Little World".
My Own Little World
In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
Yeah,it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world oooh
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached
Population two
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world yeah, yeah
My own little world oooh
Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be living right now
I dont want to miss what matters
I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose
So i can start livin right now
Outside my own little world oooh
Outside My own little world yeah yeah
Outside My own little world oooh
Have we been lulled to sleep by the American "dream"? House, car, kids, dog, debt and God on his designated day...for our comfort and convenience?
Should we really have Christian books on managing debt? Should a Christian be in debt or, a step further...should a Christian seek the things of the world? I am confused on so many issues with this. Some modern authors talk about how we have created our way of Christian life and molded God around it. Then some would speak if how we God isn't against us having the "stuff" but our love for it.
I am listening to more books and reading more on this subject in scripture and plan on posting my findings.
I think I understand things...a lot if times I learn something new that can either reinforce what I know or open my eyes to my error. How I respond to learning of my errors probably says a lot about me.
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They don't view God as near because I don't. Therefore, some of our family struggles are founded by the value of the consequence of individuals actions. When they might be able to get away with things because the "authorities" aren't present. They lack the view if whom the authority is...
I was giving thought to why certain important people in my life would prefer to not listen to my advice. When I coach soccer, most if not all are paying attention to my words. There's an understanding that I have experience or understanding in an area that they may not. Most of the kids I recently dealt with are far more skilled with the ball than I am but, they seem to trust me that I can see something that they can't. And my words are for their profit...not mine. Even at work, there's some of the same.
However, when I get home there's a certain someone that says they value me more than anything on this planet. Yet, my words are very ineffective.
I suppose it might be the manner in which it's delivered..But, it feels like lack of trust.
My friend Brandon and I are planning on teaching a class. Not sure if it will be at our church, there are probably too many other ministry/teaching things going on for it to be effective. I am going to ask a friend of mine who is a pastor at Immanuel Baptist Church to see if we might be able to do it there..but, there might not be the interest at that church either. In any case, it might just be Brandon and I...but, we want to do it for our benefit (as well as others) anyway.
The idea is teaching what the Bible says about parenting. We purposely decided to stay away from a book that is full of interpretation and psychobabble and thought we should leave hearing and understanding to each of the fathers. If the Word is alive and speaks, as it does, then it's not my expertise or Brandon's that is important, but, what God says about these topics. That should leave each individual father with issues to deal with directly from the Lord and not worldly books (even by godly men)or teachers.
The topics as I see it currently: Children - Defined in scripture - Examples of children - Responsibilities
Wisdom - Defined in scripture - Examples of wisdom - How it's acquired - What to do with it
Discipleship
Fathers - Defined in scripture - Examples of fathers - Responsibilities of a father
I figure this might be a 4 - 1 hour class/discussions. The class will probably go like this: Open up by discussing the topic Discuss the topics Share issues
Simple huh?
Goals: The goal of this class is to: -Better equip Godly fathers with biblical information on the responsibilites of their task and understanding how God would have us raise and treat our children. -Develop deeper relationships with other fathers -To further relationships with OUR Father by researching His word and listening as His word comes alive for us.
I am wondering what the point of prayer is. So many times I have prayed about things only to watch the natural scheme of things play out. Or, been desperate and still refused. Or, earnest and denied. However you want to say it, Gods will and way is so far beyond me, what's the point in doing it at all?
Scripture says that we should pray without ceasing, that by prayer and petition present out requests to God, and he will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Jesus said that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, jump into the sea and it will be done....
My faith must be smaller than a mustard seed. Nothing is moving...in fact, the more I find myself asking, the more I realize that my prayers must be hitting the ceiling so to speak. The more critical a matter is to me, the less I hear or see results, answers or changes.
Don't get me wrong, this is not a question of faith but of relevance. MY relevance in the scheme of God's grand design and plan. Since I am human I often resort to human type thoughts and I am sure that's a downfall especially when compared to scripture. But, I liken it to a scenario at work. If I am running a project and have a goal of what I want to see happen at the end and this blathering fool of a person is constantly making recommendations on what I should change, or how, if I would change this one part they'd be so thankful..or they desperately need to have such and such on their systems. Much of that would be shrugged off and I would think very little of it since my goal is defined and I am working toward its completion. Now, if it happened that one of their request happened to line up with my goal…well, wouldn't they be a happy camper! They probably would think it would be their request that caused it as well. But, in reality…they just annoyed me and wasted my time.
So, that irrelevant, blathering fool…well, that's me. The guy in charge? We know Him – I don't want to annoy, right?
The issue I am having is if "the fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much", how do I become righteous? Are there any that are righteous? Paul says no…"There is none righteous, no not one." Is it futility? I don't believe that…
Until I have some revelation I am just resigned to hang in there and watch. Let God's will unfold before my eyes and just know that He's in control. I think it may be a little more quiet on this end until I understand a bit more of being righteous though. For even a fool that's quiet is thought to be wise.
If angst and worry equates to lack of faith…it's no wonder He doesn't intercede on my behalf.
For years I felt like my family and I were oddballs....grinding our own wheat, steering clear of too many refined sugars, avoiding scavengers like the plague. Even during that time I could see so many benefits in our health in regards to obesity and sickness in general. Even friends thought it strange and would attempt to trip us up with various scripture...but, we stayed firmly planted. I thought we were wacko zealots.
Not even close.
Due to an illness to my precious wife we have truly discovered what it means to eat healthy. We have also been exposed to the extreme difficulty to even acquire healthy food. In addition the revelation of my incorrect assumption that the label "vegetarian" or "vegan" doesn't necessarily equate to healthy. White flour and sugar are "on the ok list" for them - both of which we want to avoid. That eliminates quite a few cookbook choices from the menu...
It's been a struggle to make the adjustment. And, honestly, I have been frustrated by it quite a few times. But, I have also realized quite a few benefits from it. The primary benefit is the pounds that have fallen away. I haven't changed anything else besides WHAT I eat. Quantities are still large..no more exercise than normal. 20 pounds gone. That is speaking volumes to me. It's opening my eyes more...
It's funny how we think we suffer something or are doing something in an effort to improve - but, when we make a drastic lifestyle change, are able to look back and see how deficient we were...and thinking we were really something. Just like now, there will probably be a time when I look at this and think of how minimal my attempts actually were...
Just dropped mom and dad off at the airport. Mom wanted to talk to me about my wife's condition and how important it is for me not to get sick...she stressed, - "you have 9 kids". Her intentions were gold and the message was clear. She said, "you have got to think of yourself first" which, is typically the wrong advice. But, everything she said around that would translate that to, "You have to think of your health to take care of everyone because in order to help your family you have to be there so don't do things on a hunch." Such great advice...She's so wise.
On the drive home I thought about the silliest thing though - the deception of the worlds advice to "follow our dreams". Where in the world will that advice lead, really? For some, it may be attainable, for others a complete waste of a life. How do you really know the difference? There are several things that bug me about the "follow your dreams" maxim. The first being that most dreams are had when we are young and naive. The thought that comes to mind are kids that play basketball and dream of the NBA. I suppose some will make it. After all, SOMEONE has to be on the court to play. But, for the most part...not so many will make it. It reminds me of the stories my friend told me about his son making it a few rounds in American Idol tryouts. There are soooo many for just 1 spot. I guess the trying makes you better though. But, in the case of basketball...I imagine the numbers are even more lopsided. For a guy that is 5'3" or so to really follow that dream, well, Muggsy Bogues and Spud Webb are the only 2 that I know of that made it to the NBA. It should be considered foolish for a majority of people...those 2 were extraordinary at it. That's the bar. Extraordinary...not just really good.
So, for kids to have that dream and have parents that are 5'3" tall - would be considered a longshot at best. Is it really wise to follow that dream? The kid may be better than all his friends and kids in school...but, more than likely there'll be a day when he gets overshadowed...literally.
Having dreams at such a young age without the wisdom of understanding things around you or seeing potential obstacles that may be outside your control to overcome (like how tall you will be)...could lead you to waste your life, don't you think? I mean, some dreams are good to always try to follow...like; loving better, being sweet to everyone, helping others....But, the career dreamer? Maybe that person should wake up and see what they need to dream about in realistic terms..then dream about reality.
What in the world got me thinking of that? Well, in short, something a very good friend of mine said, "Just because you have an idea, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good one". More and more I see the wisdom of those words. I understood them as advice and not a put down...meaning, they aren't words meant to squelch my creativity...but, rather reign in the pompass attitude that could easily go along with the successes of previous ideas and have the attitude of, "I just told you what's going to work in the idea I just gave, duh." The wisdom of others could see the shortcomings of my idea without having to implement them first. Even MY ideas? I know..hard to believe.
My mom shared with me some of her great wisdom...my idea is to encourage my wife's diet and furthermore encourage her in what she's having to go through by eating the same way to spur her on. And I have seen great benefit in it. My mom's advice about my idea was to get tested for the foods and seek a doctor's opinion (don't get me started) about MY food allergies and how a diet like that might affect me. Because, doing what's good for my wife and family and ACTUALLY DOING what's good for my wife and family might be miles apart right now. They might be dead on...but, the point is to have that checked out. Just because it's MY idea, doesn't even remotely mean that it's truly a good idea or beneficial for the long term like I think it is.
Here at the Tagg household we are in our season of birthdays-a-plenty. 5 birthdays in a month’s time. It’s really a fun time for us. Some of the special stuff about it is the tradition where the birthday person gets to pick all the meals. You should see all the “recommending” that goes on from the non-birthday folks. It really adds to the special-ness of it.
The kids have all graduated to making lists of what they prefer as gifts too. This helps a ton…However, some of their requests are pretty expensive. But, it never hurts to ask I suppose. :-) One of my favorite requests this year was from #5 – he requested a ManSpot Protector… Then, he asked that we not read the list out loud because of it. Funny stuff…
Ok, enough doctor bashing. I actually do really respect them...but, just sometimes feel like it's a big scam. Oops...there I go again. Sorry...
I wasn't feeling well today and stayed home from work. I look over on my nite stand and there's a black case that holds a Sony PSP. It's a handheld game. I wasn't sure what it was doing there...but, popped it out and played a couple of my sons games.
My oldest boy (the owner of the PSP) worked for 7 hours today...and the man that hired him said he did a really good job. THAT makes my day. I have always known that he's a diligent faithful young man, but, honestly, didn't know if he knew how to work hard for someone else. I was blessed to hear that he does. To top it off, after I picked him up from work and he had a bite to eat..he had come back to my room to ask his mom if there was anymore food any where...I asked him what his game was doing here. He said he left it there for me since I wasn't feeling well.
That kid blessed my whole day.
When I walked out to make sure the house was shut down, he had already fallen asleep on the couch with his Henry Blackaby devotional in his hand and his Bible by his side. Man, I love that boy.
Ah....yes, doctors. I have more information that is very useful in understanding doctors. Especially MDs. It appears that they are taught how to use medicine to treat patients. Nothing on curing unless the medicine does it. That fits with the experience that i have encountered and is the principal cause of my frustration. So, it is really not their fault, they just do what they're taught. I still don't care for that. Someday we will all learn of the pharmacutical conspiracy...but until then we will just do what we have to. ;-)
ALL of that runs through my mind when the doctors tell you what your problem is and how they recommend managing it. My response is anger. Top that with the desire that we not even have the problem at all and i get pouty too.
Then, after i see my kids behave that way i am all like, where in the world did they learn to behave like that?
See, bad example and short term memory loss! Lethal combination.
I am a horrible example when it comes to dealing with problems that are bad in nature and involves someone that i deeply love. I see all the chronic psychobabble exemplified in my every action. You know, denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Those kind of things. These are the days i wish i had paid more attention in psychology class.
Part of me refuses to accept answers that (to me) are not logical. Everytime i have taken my wife to a doctor words like, "it might be a brain tumor...we'll let the Dr look at it and call you next week" take over every prognosis. Experiences after surgeries and the general lack of knowledge and interest paired with the successes that i have had with doctors in Denver come to mind. Nightmarish stories of friends dealings with Ft smith doctors makes me doubt every word i hear.
So, denial.
Experiencing it first hand is a killer for me since that taints my view so vividly. Yeah, yeah, yeah there are some that treat ya good and all but it still makes it hard to accept their word as final. They even say that what they do might not help. The surgery may not provide relief, etc... So, nothing against the doctor person, it's probably how they have to do things to keep from getting sued...anyway, I am rambling.
I have run out of time on this post...i will pick it up later.
Can't believe it's been 12 days since JDudes surgery. He's almost back to 100%. He's been playing soccer, football, wrestling...eating chips! His voice is almost back to normal as well. For a while he was sounding pretty puny.
An area that we all need to work onion the T household is handling losing. J dude is horrible at it, my oldest boy is almost as bad.. But, I am the worst. I guess that's where they get it. Man, what a mess to fix....
Would you think it's wrong to desire the joy of the Lord? Sometimes I do. I feel as though my motives are impure. Most of the time, I think that the joy of the Lord equates to MY peace. I want everything to be "good" and my favorite way to experience that kind of joy is when everything is going like clock work. Is that the same as the joy of the Lord?...duh. Nope. But, that's what I desire as joy. There aren't sad, hard, disappointing, discouraging, troubling, etc... times. It's not getting prayer requests that a kid that you coached in soccer constantly undergoes treatments and exams, having chronic seizures. It's not seeing family go to the hospital countless times...just to return home and have nothing change in their lives or lifestyle. It's not seeing your good friends worry about their parents as they get tested for bone cancer. It's not in sudden trips to the ICU. It's not in hearing my wife talk about kids that are hungry. It's not in car wrecks, not in carelessness...not even in taking your kids to have his tonsils and adnoids removed. It's not in the pain my wife experiences due to some sort of arthritis. It's not in a new church building. Nope, I can find no joy in those things.
Some would say that you need to be thankful that the kid is still ok, that family is still around, that you have friends...etc. As if taking that bad thing and comparing it to the worst thing makes ANYTHING better. But, isn't that just trying to fool yourself so that you think better of something that isn't a good thing by seeing how bad it might or could have been? I don't buy that. In fact, I say that is foolishness and being blind.
So, what is the joy of the Lord? Is it understanding God's sovereignty? That His plan will be executed regardless? I do understand that. However, sometimes the small things that happen working up to then or leading up to the completion of His perfect plan are painful. Pain is often talked about in scripture, such as mourning, trials and the like, it seems like it's to be expected. It's part of life and being a fully devoted follower of Jesus doesn't remove that. Scripture says it will build character, it will strengthen us, it will help us rely more on God, etc. crappy things are GOING to happen.
I'm disappointed, distracted, confused, tired, and ticked off - but, the real test is going to be how I handle that. Not, that I try to cover it up and be thankful it's not something worse. But, that I actually deal with it appropriately.
My son has a pretty common surgery scheduled for the 28th. I am terrified. I hate the fact that he’s going to be put under and some schmuck has to be responsible for his well being that doesn’t know him or care about him. He is just getting a paycheck. It really eats at me. However, I am pretty confident that the adnoids removal should provide some breathing comfort for him…the tonsils being taken out are a “while I am in there” after thought.
I wish I could be in there watching everyone to make sure they are doing their best and taking care of the precious person they will be cutting on.
Wow…it’s a busy time in life. But, there are so many times where it seems I’m bored. I seek out things to do that aren’t very involved or won’t suck up a lot of time just to find that I those minutes were wasted. I have been spending more time defaulting to a couple of hobbies to remedy this listlessness. I am pretty happy with this…. But, hope I can remember to always do the important things over the things that I simply like. I think that the biggest draw right now it my sweet brides interest in expanding our family. It seems God’s best for us is to close the womb. Temporarily or not, it’s what’s going on and while we did make sure there weren’t any medical issues…we are going to try to be faithful and live with that.
My wife has been extremely active in working with youth proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ. She’s a woman on fire, with a mission and executing! Have you seen the commercial where the car is dragging the big anchor down the freeway and the two cops guess 15mph….well, I’m the anchor in this relationship. To some degree I think that it’s healthy to have one of us being on fire and all out and the other with a brake on the handle . I mean, sometimes we can get carried away and we need the reasoning efforts of the one NOT on fire. I am not sure it’s the case with this. I am feeling more like the commercial…everything should be traveling at certain speed and I am keeping it slow.
Here’s the thing. I don’t feel like NOW is the time. I do feel that there will be a time but, I don’t know when.
I think about how things have transpired over the years and there have been decisions that I “went along” with that turned out to be not the best decisions. Not that things were “wrong” when I went along with them. But, maybe took us on a detour that caused grief, work or a hard learned lesson from the Lord. The first example is when I had a vasectomy. Even in the doctor’s office I looked at my wife and asked, “are you sure this is the right thing?” – “Yep” without hesitation. Well, if you know me at all we spent hours studying, being convicted, spending a lot of money, and enduring some considerable pain to say, “oops, that wasn’t right”. Without a doubt I feel that the path we chose helped shape me into who I am now. But, the truth is that I knew it wasn’t right to begin with…but, went along with it.
Then, there was moving to and from Colorado. The move out was less a thing…but, as we got out there, it was discovered that our reasoning was flawed…but, coming back, I really felt again that I was going along and not making the decisions I should. I am NOT saying that I wish we hadn’t done some of this…but, I am saying that I failed to go with “the gut”…and did what was most pleasing.
