Sweet son

Ok, enough doctor bashing. I actually do really respect them...but, just sometimes feel like it's a big scam. Oops...there I go again. Sorry...

I wasn't feeling well today and stayed home from work. I look over on my nite stand and there's a black case that holds a Sony PSP. It's a handheld game. I wasn't sure what it was doing there...but, popped it out and played a couple of my sons games.

My oldest boy (the owner of the PSP) worked for 7 hours today...and the man that hired him said he did a really good job. THAT makes my day. I have always known that he's a diligent faithful young man, but, honestly, didn't know if he knew how to work hard for someone else. I was blessed to hear that he does. To top it off, after I picked him up from work and he had a bite to eat..he had come back to my room to ask his mom if there was anymore food any where...I asked him what his game was doing here. He said he left it there for me since I wasn't feeling well.

That kid blessed my whole day.

When I walked out to make sure the house was shut down, he had already fallen asleep on the couch with his Henry Blackaby devotional in his hand and his Bible by his side. Man, I love that boy.

Bad example continued

So, where was i?

Ah....yes, doctors. I have more information that is very useful in understanding doctors. Especially MDs. It appears that they are taught how to use medicine to treat patients. Nothing on curing unless the medicine does it. That fits with the experience that i have encountered and is the principal cause of my frustration. So, it is really not their fault, they just do what they're taught. I still don't care for that. Someday we will all learn of the pharmacutical conspiracy...but until then we will just do what we have to. ;-)

ALL of that runs through my mind when the doctors tell you what your problem is and how they recommend managing it. My response is anger. Top that with the desire that we not even have the problem at all and i get pouty too.

Then, after i see my kids behave that way i am all like, where in the world did they learn to behave like that?

See, bad example and short term memory loss! Lethal combination.

Dealing with bad news

I am a horrible example when it comes to dealing with problems that are bad in nature and involves someone that i deeply love. I see all the chronic psychobabble exemplified in my every action. You know, denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Those kind of things. These are the days i wish i had paid more attention in psychology class.

Part of me refuses to accept answers that (to me) are not logical. Everytime i have taken my wife to a doctor words like, "it might be a brain tumor...we'll let the Dr look at it and call you next week" take over every prognosis. Experiences after surgeries and the general lack of knowledge and interest paired with the successes that i have had with doctors in Denver come to mind. Nightmarish stories of friends dealings with Ft smith doctors makes me doubt every word i hear.

So, denial.

Experiencing it first hand is a killer for me since that taints my view so vividly. Yeah, yeah, yeah there are some that treat ya good and all but it still makes it hard to accept their word as final. They even say that what they do might not help. The surgery may not provide relief, etc... So, nothing against the doctor person, it's probably how they have to do things to keep from getting sued...anyway, I am rambling.

I have run out of time on this post...i will pick it up later.

Stuff

Can't believe it's been 12 days since JDudes surgery. He's almost back to 100%. He's been playing soccer, football, wrestling...eating chips! His voice is almost back to normal as well. For a while he was sounding pretty puny.

An area that we all need to work onion the T household is handling losing. J dude is horrible at it, my oldest boy is almost as bad.. But, I am the worst. I guess that's where they get it. Man, what a mess to fix....

Joy of the Lord

Would you think it's wrong to desire the joy of the Lord? Sometimes I do. I feel as though my motives are impure. Most of the time, I think that the joy of the Lord equates to MY peace. I want everything to be "good" and my favorite way to experience that kind of joy is when everything is going like clock work. Is that the same as the joy of the Lord?...duh. Nope. But, that's what I desire as joy. There aren't sad, hard, disappointing, discouraging, troubling, etc... times. It's not getting prayer requests that a kid that you coached in soccer constantly undergoes treatments and exams, having chronic seizures. It's not seeing family go to the hospital countless times...just to return home and have nothing change in their lives or lifestyle. It's not seeing your good friends worry about their parents as they get tested for bone cancer. It's not in sudden trips to the ICU. It's not in hearing my wife talk about kids that are hungry. It's not in car wrecks, not in carelessness...not even in taking your kids to have his tonsils and adnoids removed.  It's not in the pain my wife experiences due to some sort of arthritis. It's not in a new church building. Nope, I can find no joy in those things.

Some would say that you need to be thankful that the kid is still ok, that family is still around, that you have friends...etc. As if taking that bad thing and comparing it to the worst thing makes ANYTHING better. But, isn't that just trying to fool yourself so that you think better of something that isn't a good thing by seeing how bad it might or could have been? I don't buy that. In fact, I say that is foolishness and being blind.

So, what is the joy of the Lord? Is it understanding God's sovereignty? That His plan will be executed regardless? I do understand that. However, sometimes the small things that happen working up to then or leading up to the completion of His perfect plan are painful. Pain is often talked about in scripture, such as mourning, trials and the like, it seems like it's to be expected. It's part of life and being a fully devoted follower of Jesus doesn't remove that. Scripture says it will build character, it will strengthen us, it will help us rely more on God, etc. crappy things are GOING to happen.

I'm disappointed, distracted, confused, tired, and ticked off - but, the real test is going to be how I handle that. Not, that I try to cover it up and be thankful it's not something worse. But, that I actually deal with it appropriately.

Now, if I could only figure out how to do that...