I think I am missing something

As a Christian I believe in following Christ with my whole life - heart, soul and mind. Does it mean that I never fail at that? No...But, I have been struggling with something that might reveal more about me than just my beliefs. I am disgusted by Christians hollering out that they are Christian. If I may explain...The tragedy of the Conn elementary school has everyone clamoring about this and that, some touting gun control, Gov. Huckabee statement about how times have changed and how we've estranged God in our schools, President Obama stating his agenda driven tout toward "change" during a special speech that I thought was supposed to be for the families of the victims and the area in general. I was appalled at how he used that as a platform to garner momentum for a "change" that he plans on pushing through. However, it was a moving touch to speak the names of all the children that lost their lives at the hand of a mad man. Even his telling of the story of the boy that knew karate and the heroic efforts of teachers was moving. If he would have only left it at that, he'd have gained a point or 2 in my book...but, he didn't. Not that it matters in the least what I think of his efforts.

I saw a facebook post where Gov. Huckabee released a statement or was interviewed and stated some pretty faith based suggestions. It was admirable to see him state those things knowing the ridicule that he'd endure because of it. Reading the responses is really what put me in the quandary I am in now. No, it wasn't all the people calling Gov. Huckabee a wacko or having an antiquated view of the world...it was all the people agreeing with him. The comments were, "Couldn't have said it better...", "I have been saying that all along.", "I totally agree with you!", "amen", "I stand with you!". Something about all those types of comments really started to eat at me. Where's the humility, where's the Christ first attitude. Where is "consider others interest above your own"? I feel like we, as Christians, owe more than lip service to the lost. I am probably missing something here. But, even pastors that I really respect from large churches in the area post some really opinionated...fire starters. For example, "I'm against other countries having nuclear weapons and my neighbors having semi-automatic weapons." While, fine in itself I suppose, as a pastor, why enter the realm of such a worldly topic? This guys knows his stuff, but it seems like we forget whose we are and focus our feelings on ourselves too often. I know I am super guilty of that. But, I don't see where that's encouraged scripturally....

Oh well, it's a sad, sad thing...it's a Genesis 3 world for sure.

Very busy

Well, I’ve been very busy lately. The job I work to put food on the table and such hasn’t been the culprit this time it’s been the part time job that consumes all my time. It’s a bit overwhelming…and to top it off, I don’t feel I put in the time for studies that I need  in order to ensure a quality lesson. So, there’s the weight of that as well. And for the icing on the cake, I don’t get the time with my own littles and when I do get the time I usually am so tired of the silliness and being “nice” that I am short with them. I am sure it makes for a pleasant experience for everyone. I definitely need to learn a balance with this. My thoughts plain and simple are: 1. My biological kids are missing out 2. The kids I am ministering to are needing more than I have to offer.

It must be an interesting dynamic for my family. I have always been the kind of dad that has very high expectations for his kids in everything. For them to participate in the ministry and see me be so “lenient” must be weird. I hope they realize that I am lenient in this way so I won’t treat the kids we minister to like the world treats them…always saying no, shut up, get out, etc. I want them to know that they are loved, wanted, important – yet they are so untrained and are inconsiderate, inappropriate and indecent for the most part. And similarly I am untrained in ministry…so, it’s an “interesting” combination. But, to have my kids see this…I wonder what they think . But, I don’t have time to ask them anyway… Poor, pitiful me, right? Yeah, I know.

It must be time to thin things out a bit, but, I don’t really know where to start. Well, that’s not entirely true, it’s just a place that I cling too tightly to and don’t want to give up. The things that consume my time when I am not working are entertainment type things – watching NFL, soccer, instructional guitar videos, golf lesson videos, looking on amazon for things to buy, searching craigslist for a riding mower and tiller, watching funny pranks on youtube. (Speaking of which look for the Brazilian elevator pranks…funny stuff). See how important that stuff is? Why should I have to give that stuff up? Well, the answer is obvious I guess..I just have to swallow the truth. The “why” is in paragraph one…the “why not” is my selfishness wanting the things I want.

I think one of the most amazing things about being a believer in Jesus is that fact that when we think we are losing something or sacrificing for His sake, we typically find out it’s for our own benefit. Kind of like the whole Sabbath for man thing. There are many things in life that are beneficial to me but I cling to the things that I believe I like because I am too ignorant to know any differently. Isn’t this one of the ways that God is audible?

Yesterday I learned of Thomas Chalmers paper on “The expulsive power of a new affection”. It’s where we make more room for the Love of God or the presense of God or the knowledge of God in our lives…and by it’s expansiveness, removes, by its nature, stuff that won’t fit anymore. It, in essence, squeezes it out. I used an illustration in church, a poor one but it was the only one I could think of…where you have a milk crate and that milk crate represents your life. And in the milk crate is all the whip cream of your life. The whip cream signifying sin, or bad habits (like selfish perusing of internet stuff) and in the middle of the whipped cream of your life is a deflated balloon…making more room for God in your life is like airing up the balloon. Just by the nature of physics, some of the deliciously evil whipped cream will ooze out of the crate, out of your life. That’s the expulsive power of a new affection…

Let's see, I have plenty of whipped cream, I just have to find a balloon…..

Theory on people

As I get older, I have tried to watch and listen to people more and try to be seen and heard less. It’s hard for me. I have a big mouth and love to hear myself speak. However, just through the short time that I have been attempting this I have developed a couple of theories on people –

1. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for everyone in almost every situation. Whether it’s politics, work, or a problem at home. Ask anyone, they’ll know what to do or what’s best. It’s the rare soul that will confess they don’t know. And if they do, my guess is that they already discovered my theory for themselves.
2. From my observations everyone thinks that their solution will help, not harm. This was an encouraging thought in some ways…that even the people that staunchly disagreed with my stance were not necessarily out to “get me”. We all have way too many solutions to offer. One of my pastor/mentor’s said it best – “Just because you’ve had an idea, doesn’t mean it’s the best one…or even good”. Well, I added the “even good” part – but still a very good saying.  
3. People are often adamant about something but will quickly change their tune when called on it. I knew someone that stated they would eat any way they wanted and die happy instead of adhering to any kind of diet to improve their health. When they developed a food consumption related illness that would lead to serious complications and death, they quickly changed their attitude. What happened to dying happy? This also happens even when death isn’t involved by the way. Have you ever heard (as the law was introduced), “I’ll never wear my seatbelt”…

Mostly, I think that we are a proud species and, when given advice that sounds contrary to our line of thinking, dismiss such things because it seems ridiculous and the giver of the advice appears weak…For example, my older friends used to always say, “After you turn 40, things ache when you wake up.” I would always think, “yeah, for you because your “X” while I’m “Y”.” – I was wrong. I didn’t want to believe what they said because I thought I was special in some way. Whether more intelligent, a more unique creature, a better physical specimen. Well, all those things are true, (just kidding) but I still ache when I wake up!

Yes, we should be slow to become angry, slow to speak, QUICK to listen!!! Just more practical advice from a God that loves us. No training or education or life experience will make this void. Now, if I would only remember to DO it.

Time is no friend

I play soccer as often as I can. There are several things I notice about soccer lately though. I rarely ever battle for the ball - I rarely ever run flat out as fast as I can - I am concerned about injury - I don't last very long. It appears that gone are the days where I was aggressive and could anticipate, react and move with speed. Well, actually, I do anticipate in my head, but the ol' body doesn't go when I think it should anymore. For example, I see that there's a a passing lane and the dribblers running out of options..I used to anticipate the pass by moving quickly to the passing lane for an interception - now I just watch the pass happen as I envisioned it. (Don't they call that dejavu or Jedi reflexes??)

Anyhow, I am sitting here typing at 4 in the morning after my head got flooded with thoughts when I woke for a minute in the night. No more juice before bed... ;-) That's about as far from something I would do when I was younger as anything else in the world.

Yesterday, we were looking at old photos of me as a baby..."didn't they have COLOR film then" is a question that constantly pops up in my mind. But, more serious things like, I don't remember THAT at all. I mean, that is me...but, I have NO recall of that photo. Of course, some were me wearing a diaper sitting in a high chair. But, others were me sitting next to my sister. Where were we when the photo was taken? How old was I? What was I thinking then? Wow, my mom and dad look younger than I look now......Where did I get that nice shirt? Questions just started pouring out of me.

THEN I realized something else. When I was looking at photos of MY oldest daughter as a baby, I couldn't remember stuff about those either. I am not really worried about alzheimer's right now...but the discovery, er, rather rediscovery that time is no friend started pounding my face in. This linear life we lead is too much like a road trip and not enough like a picture. When you're on a road trip you pass by miles and miles of stuff...how much of it do you remember or keep a memory of? A picture is a static piece of time that you capture. It "holds" where it is. It is essentially captured, eternal.

Finally, last night during date night we were watching a movie and I was confronted with the reality that we do live life like it's a road trip. We don't think about things anymore. We busy ourselves and call it "being productive". But, I don't plan things out. I don't make purposeful decisions after really careful thought. I am not prudent, shrewd or wise. I am impulsive, a gambler and piece of chaff floating in the wind to be led where it takes me. How do I capture important things? How do I live intentionally so that when I do something - it's of value...it's memorable? I don't know.

But life moves on and memories fade. It's too bad really because I have had an awesome life to this point...or, at least I think I have - I can't remember.

Looking toward the goal??

I've heard a saying that says you can't hit the goal if you don't aim at it. That's true...but what if it's a little more complicated than that. What if you don't know what the goal looks like or even what constitutes a goal? Can you imagine a golfer hitting the ball aimlessly not knowing that the "goal" is to put it in the cup designated by the flag? Oh, and by the way, that's only a small part of the goal. See, there are 18 of those cups and you want to get it in each with the fewest number of attempts possible. If you don't know that or only know part of it, you aren't going to do well. Even if you did great on one of the holes...that only counts for a small portion of the real goal which is to have a lower TOTAL number of strokes than the others.

Isn't that how we live out life? We pick and choose our "low scoring holes" like those are the only ones that matter. For example, I don't watch R rated movies. And, if I am not careful, I could easily become prideful in "suffering" for the Lord. Is not watching R rated movies really Gods best for me? Is that all there is? It is really silly to even think it. It might be part of the path in the entire plan of holiness that He wants...but, I can't choose that 1 thing and rest stating that I succeeded in holiness.

Holiness and being set apart is the entire 18 holes - where the clubhouse is heaven...the only place our score will matter. And it's not me against you or an opponent...it's me against the course. The course is my entire life...and like golf, there are many challenges I have to face, but they are all tied to the same goal. Each challenge by itself is not the entire goal. They make up a small part of it. Holiness is my goal. I am way over par.

What is it in me that does this?

Yesterday I found my headphones. I had been looking for them for about a month. I was happy. Should be, the end...headphones lost, searched, headphones found...happy!
 
For some reason, I started to recall my thoughts when I discovered they were lost. I am sure this happens to everyone, but as soon as I lost them I immediately began looking at those around me as suspects to the crime. Yes, crime. They STOLE my headphones. Yeah, I know...these headphones are the ones you jam in your ear and your earwax keeps them nice and snug...so, who'd want them, right? But, they ARE skull candy headphones. Not exactly the 9.99 specials. A little alcohol and they'd be as good as new...ok, maybe 2 treatments with alcohol...anyways, I digress...
 
STOLEN, because I knew I took excellent care of them and wouldn't misplace them so easily. I keep them in the cool little zipper case and everything. Like I said, they aren't the 9.99 cheapies and I take care of my junk... So, knowing all of that, you'd probably come to the same conclusion I came to...stolen. Yep.
 
Well you already know the end of the story, I found them. Apparently, they were too taken care of when I put them in my backpack. And, of course, as soon as I found them I remembered why I put them there. But, this post isn't about the headphones, it's about the thoughts that go from - "What did I do with them?" - to "What has SOMEONE ELSE done to me!?!!"
 
Thanks to Adam, father of us all, we are in a fallen world. Truthfully, if he hadn't a goofed it up, someone right behind him would have....and if not right behind him and everything was perfect, I would be the one. But, that's conjecture...Adam get's the "credit". In any case, sin abounds doesn't it? And the issue is that we all put ourselves on some sort of pedestal. We put ourselves beyond mistakes and personal ineptness and make ourselves victims. In Matthew 23:22-24 English Standard Version (ESV) states - ²² And whoever swears by heaven swears by the throne of God and by him who sits upon it.²³  "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. ²⁴ You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!
 
Yeah, what the heck does that have to do with this blog? Well, you probably already have figured it out. But, for me, it wasn't totally obvious. The principal issue is that the Pharisees were making/observing laws that were convenient to them while making them appear righteous and make it look like they were going the extra mile. Doing all that God required plus all the stuff that He "forgot" to tell Moses to tell us - yet the obvious, the "ought to", the "duh" is that we neglect the absolutely critical ones, the ones that are from Him...and in doing so have swallowed an unclean animal while picking out a tiny morsel of badness...That's me. This isn't a scripture that you say, "AHA! That's what I am doing." My headphones were lost. The obvious is that I lost them...yet I am righteous to myself and have blamed another for the loss - I was looking outside of the obvious...then swallowed crow, I mean a camel, when I found them.
 
 

What upsets you most?

I am listening to a book called "Not a Fan" - by Kyle Idleman. It's an extremely good listen although I am not finished yet. He was asking a series of questions geared toward identifying if Jesus is the appropriate recipient of the correct amount of affection and devotion...(which is all of it...I'll probably talk about that another time). One of the questions was "What upsets you most?".

 

One of the things I tend to do whether I am reading a book or listening to it is try to anticipate where the author is heading. But, when he asked what made me upset, I was thrown for a loop. Then he shared a story that was WAY to close to home. The summary of the story goes like this:

 

A father took his son fishing. His son was extremely excited to get to go and spend time with his dad. However, it was a bad day of fishing, They didn't get a single bite and as the day came to a close they packed up and headed home. The father was visibly irritated although silent.

 

The end.

 

Well, almost. Idleman went on to explain the meaning of the story. See, the point is that the father was more interested in catching fish than spending time with his son. Yeah, that's the point.

 

Now, back to my life and how that sentence affects me. First of all, because of who I am, I would slightly argue that just because they didn't catch fish and the dad was upset didn't mean that he didn't enjoy spending time withi his son. But, that's probably just because I am SO guilty of that behavior. When we get upset about something it's reflecting how strongly we feel robbed of the privilege of the success of the encounter. Was the encounter of the story to catch fish or build a relationship with his son? As I rewind this over and over again, I tend to agree more with Idleman. Then I rewind the past few weeks of my life..outbursts on the basketball court, disappointment in decisions of my children, dissatisfaction on how many times they have to be told something to get it right. All this highlights that I want things to be my way. I want to win, I want my kids to be intelligent, I want them to learn quickly....those things or ideas become more important than the person of my kids - and I get angry when they don't happen like I think they should.

 

That's the same in our relationship with the Lord. Am I putting myself and my desires above my commitment to follow Jesus. Are my frustrations actually just me throwing a fit about MY situation...  

This guy was reading my mind...

Here's an article I ran across. I was worried that it might "disappear" so I copied to mine. But, I didn't write one letter in this. However, it is definitely what was going through my mind. Read this and let me know your thoughts.

Youth-Owned Ministry

This post is part of a collection of articles sent as a follow-up to GYMN trainings. You can use these posts in your youth ministry. At the end of the article are questions for you to reflect on or for your youth leadership team to discuss.

Several years ago I found myself tired, discouraged and frustrated with the ministry to youth that I was involved with in North Philadelphia (USA).  I had been a youth pastor at a small urban church for about 5 years and had tried all the things I had ever read and heard that I was supposed to do to be an effective shepherd of young lives but it just didn’t seem to be working.  I had tried to get youth involved with many of “my great ideas” and all the “divinely inspired” ministry strategies that I was sure would work but there always seemed to be a lack of commitment and zeal on behalf of the youth. The teens had little or no ownership in the ministry and no desire to reach out to their peers.

One day as I was walking through a hallway in the church towards my office I heard someone playing the piano.  I didn’t recognize the song or the voice so I made my way up to the sanctuary to see if someone had gotten into the building that was not supposed to be there.  What I saw and heard has forever transformed my view of youth ministry.

At the piano sat Angel “Chico” Gonzalez.  He was singing a song he had written about the pain and despair he had experienced from his parents divorce and the comfort he found only in the love of Jesus.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I heard him sing and when he finished I asked him if he had ever thought about using his gift to share with others what he had experienced in his relationship with Christ. He told me that he had never thought about using his musical talents in Christian service because adult church leaders had always frowned upon the music he liked.

Needless to say, I encouraged him to keep singing and to pray about how God might want to use his talents and gifts in His kingdom.  Within a few days, several other youth got excited about music ministry, and they started practicing at church.  They soon formed a group called One Way, based on John 14:6.  They prayed, wrote music and rehearsed together faithfully for nearly six months and then, with the guidance of some adult youth workers and the blessing of the church leadership, began to sing in our church, other churches, at Christian youth rallies, evangelistic events, etc.

Our ministry began to look much different after the formation of One Way with the primary difference being that our ministry became a ministry done by youth as opposed to something done to youth.

The following are some time tested principles that our young people have taught us throughout the years that have helped them to become owners of the youth ministry in their church:

1. Be Quiet, Ask Questions and Listen. It might sound embarrassingly simple, but you’d be surprised how many adult youth workers never simply sit down, ask questions and really listen to young people.  A couple of summers ago a 19 year old heard me angrily criticizing the youth selling drugs on certain street corners near where he lived.  He asked me why I thought I had the right to criticize them to which I had no answer.  A few days later he took me out to the corner late one night while the dealing was heavy and I learned first hand why they were out there and what their impressions of the local church were.  Incidentally, nearly 70% of those I talked with had grown up in neigh-borhood Latino churches but left when they felt the church had become irrelevant to their lives and disinterested in their struggles.  When you look, listen and watch you’re able to allow youth to live out the gospel from their vantage point of giftedness as opposed to being tempted to force them into yours.

2. Share Visions, Dreams and Plans. Youth leaders love to dream about ministry and sometimes do a marginally good job at planning out their ministry goals and strategies.  However, when youth are not allowed in on these discussions, the result is they have no ownership in what happens because they have had no input.  Urban youth often perish because they have no vision.  Teach them how to dream, plan and pray by allowing them to do it with you.

3. Expose Youth to Other Ministries. Far too often, youth are limited in their scope of the kingdom of God because they know only what is happening in one city, in one denomination or in one church.  We have found that taking field trips to other ministries to learn from them and hear their dreams and visions has made an indelible impact on engaging youth on the issues of leadership development and ministry ownership.
4. Create Vacuums that Need to be Filled. Share with youth the opportunities for service in your own church and in their neighborhood, schools and families.  Don’t force them into specific roles but encourage them to pray and seek the Lord’s leading in regards to where he is calling them to serve.
5. Let Youth See You in Action. At the end of Elijah’s life we see painted in the Bible a beautiful portrait of a mentoring relationship in 2 Kings 2.  Elisha refuses to leave the side of his mentor and as a result watches Elijah in action right up to the time of his being taken up into heaven.  As Elijah parted the Jordan with a strike from his cloak when they were together so Elisha did the same upon his return from the other side of the Jordan when he was alone. He learned servant leadership by being exposed to it first hand.  We need to allow our youth the same opportunities to watch us in action both when we succeed and when we fail if we expect them to take ownership and leadership in our ministries.
6. Allow Youth to Feel Safe Enough to Make Mistakes. Allow and expect youth to make mistakes as they seek to share the gospel with their gifts and talents.  It is through mistakes and blunders that most of us youth leaders have learned our most valuable lessons.  A youth ministry that never allows youth to be in positions where they can safely fail will produce shallow disciples who will be leery of venturing outside of their comfort zones for the sake of the gospel as adults.
7. Hold Them Responsible. Too many youth ministries simply seek to entertain young people and thus not to hold them accountable to high standards of responsibility and conduct.  In a youth owned ministry model youth are motivated by their investment in ministry to want to be held accountable.  While the world is doing a devastatingly effective job of cornering the market on entertaining our youth it is doing nothing in the area of challenging them.  That is the real hunger of youth today and they respond at the chance to be challenged beyond the latest Play Station video game.  In addition, in our so called “postmodern world” of moral relativity, we’ve seen Christian young people genuinely wanting someone in their lives to hold them responsible for their actions.

8. Let Teens Model Spirituality. Far too often our churches and youth ministries subversively teach that spirituality is something that they can obtain when they graduate into adulthood.  Teens deserve the opportunity to model their spirituality and marginally committed teens will be challenged far more by seeing authentic Christianity lived out in front of them by their same age peers than by adults.
Joel Van Dyke
Director of Strategy of Transformation (GYMN partner)
Guatamela, Central America

Reflection and Action Items:

1. Think back on the story of Chico, have you ever felt like him? Are there youth in your ministry who may not be showing their talents because they fear disapproval like Chico?
2. Evaluate your youth group: is it more of an adult-led ministry or a youth-owned ministry? Can you remember events in your ministry that have been done by youth instead of done to youth?
3. Are there some things that make you hesitant to turn your ministry into a youth-owned ministry? What are they?
4. What are the advantages of having a youth ministry that is done by the youth?
5. How many of the principles stated in the article (Be Quiet and Listen, Share Visions and Plans, etc.) have you already been doing for your youth group?
6. Which of the following principles stated in the article is most needed by your youth group?
7. Write down specific goals (with where, when, who and how often) that you can accomplish as an individual and as a leadership team to make your ministry a youth-owned ministry.

60 dollar lesson

I took the kids to a restaurant this morning for breakfast. And, although I only had 7 of the kids with me the bill was still 60 bucks. Wow...I had decided that I wouldn't let that bother me, after all...if the toaster was in the kitchen somewhere I would have made eggs for them. But, alas...it was no where to be found. So you HAVE to go out for breakfast, right?

I pushed a couple of tables together and we buddied up and grabbed plates at this buffet style breakfast mega food place. I threw my receipt on the table as is customary. I also threw a couple of chocolate milk cartons that I'd grabbed off the buffet bar as we were walking back to our table. We all departed for the rows of goodies. My youngest daughter was with me and she eats like she's nicknamed (Bird) so we were the first ones to head back to the table. When we got there, another large party had decided that we set the tables just perfectly and decided to move in. As we approached my gaze was quickly on the table and our receipt. I mean, if you don't have that receipt you might as well be a shoplifter, right? So, I said some ingeniously clever remark to the waitress that was also there, "Did you just throw our receipt away?". The patriarch of the group was a fairly large in stature man with tattooed tear drops by his eye. With him was his wife, another couple similar in age to the tattooed man, several teenage kids and a young couple with a baby. Yeah, immediate tension. 

Here's where the lesson comes in - The bible says that a gentle word turns away wrath...I guess you can imagine what happens next. How I display all the things I've learned from scripture to try to calm the situation. Well, to imagine that would be exactly that, imaginative. It was nothing like that. I was kinda peeved and apparently it was on my shoulder and obvious. The young couple with the baby quickly interjected. "We're sorry sir, we can move". The tattooed man also through in fighting words like, "Oh, we're so sorry, we'll move.". 

So, scripture was proven again. Only, I was on the WRONG end of it. I tried to turn my bad attitude to graciousness by letting them stay and saying something like, "no really, not a problem, we'll just sit next to ya'll"...But, IT was out there. My super horrible, bad attitude strikes again. 

All through out the breakfast I was praying and wondering how I fix such a mess. I tried to purposely be more of a servant to the kids and get them things like juice and stuff. That wasn't enough. I kept looking over at their table and the Holy Spirit said, "say you're sorry." 

Wow, gulp. Ok, so the next ten minutes was spent in silence as I tried to figure out what I'd actually say. As I approached their table, I made eye contact with the tattooed man. He shot out of his seat with his hand extended toward mine and before I could say a word, apologized again. I mumbled some words about how I was sorry...but, it paled in comparison to this mans compassionate heart and spirit. Even as I thought I'd make myself look better with an apology in obedience to God's prompting, God chose to use even that to humble me...Thanks tattooed man.  Thanks God.

His will be done

I meet with a some fine Christian men once a week. We discuss things happening in our lives, prayer needs, and a plethora of other topics. As one of the guys was making his needs known, it struck me how prayer "seems" moot. We serve an amazing God whose plan is to prosper spiritually and perhaps even physically, those who believe and submit to Him. I know full well that my prosperous spiritual life could mean a destitute situation. And that seems understandable. But, I almost get to the point of "why even pray". I mean, His will will be done regardless. I can't change God.

Some will petition that Jesus taught about the woman who continually brought her case before a judge that would grant her petition just to get rid of her...consistency in prayer life. Long suffering.

Then I think of CS Lewis' quote - "prayer" ... "it doesn't change God, it changes me."

It puts Jesus parable into a different light for me. That I might develop a consistent, earnest, fervent, desperate longing to see God work in my life would change me. It might even make me dependent on Him, which might be exactly what He wants.

Can you imagine just praying and immediately having an answer? I don't think the proper name for someone that answers like that would be God but Genie. As I even teach about how God was training His people in discipline for 40 years as they were wandering in the wilderness, I overlooked how I behave exactly the same as them. I see things with my own shortsightedness and call it wisdom....my own timelines for when I think things should be resolved and call it patience...see my own obstacles and call them insurmountable.

I am reminded of an episode of Happy Days when they got everyone to chant an incantation and the faster they said it the more it revealed the truth. It went something like this:

Owa.... tafoo..... liam.... Say it over and over, and a little faster each time...Truth.

Special times

I have tried to spend more times with the kids in my family that aren't as active in, uh...activities as some of my other kids are. Things like breakfast on Saturday morning...and golf. I have had sweet times with them and it's fun to get them out on their own.
 
I had retired from golf about 7 years ago it was taking up too much time away from my family. I've played maybe 2 times in the last 7 years. My 2nd youngest son has had an interest in it for a while, but, I thought it would wear off. Well, it hasn't yet. Talking to my wife, we thought it would be a thing that he and I could do together. He's a hard worker and is starting to get the hang of the rhythm of the game. He's got a lot to learn about hitting the ball consistently, but, I am going to try to keep out of coaching him. We've played twice and each time grandpa was there and gave some good tips...a friend from church played with us and gave my son some balls and random advice. I think that may be a good way to go about this since it's rare that you ever play alone. Maybe, Lord willing, I'll just throw in a small training tidbit, but leave it up to him and advice from others to improve his game. I don't know yet. But, all I can say is it's been very nice. Some of my other boys have now started showing an interest in golf...but, don't know if I can afford many playing...again, we'll see. My wife mentioned that if everyone played it might take away from the special time I have created with this son. Good advice but, I'd hate to discourage it. It might be something they can do together when they are older. I can imagine them staying close, playing golf, loving their families, each other, each others families....It's not like soccer or baseball or something, you can play this until you die basically. I don't think I want to discourage it.
 
Breakfast with a couple of sweet girls is just pleasant. We go to a buffet and this particular buffet has a chocolate fondue fountain. Stab a strawberry, marshmallows, coconut macaroon with a stick, put it in the fountain, and let the chocolate harden - oh man, you'd think we'd won the lottery. I am amazed how my youngest daughter can get so much chocolate AROUND her mouth...but, she enjoys it. My 14yo goes too. I love this young woman. Such beauty, such wisdom. Priceless. Thank you God for all my sweet precious girls whom I love with all my heart and thanks for the time I am getting to spend with them.
 
A couple of my boys, (1 and 2) and my 2nd oldest daughter go to church with me to set up and get things going for me on Wednesdays and Sundays. I need to remember to tell them how helpful they are. They are such a tremendous blessing. Not only to me, but I watch them interact with others...they are a blessing indeed.
 
I have a couple more kids to integrate into time with me. I'm soooo looking forward to time with them too.
 
My kids are such blessings. God was right...............again.
Psalm 127:3
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.

 
 
 
 

Temper is a funny word.
tem·per[tem-per]  - noun
1.a particular state of mind or feelings.
2.habit of mind, especially with respect toirritability or patience, outbursts of anger, orthe like; disposition: an even temper.
3.heat of mind or passion, shown in outburstsof anger, resentment, etc.
4.calm disposition or state of mind: to be outof temper.
5.a substance added to something to modify its properties or qualities.
6.Metall.
1. the degree of hardness and strengthimparted to a metal, as by quenching,heat treatment, or cold working.
2. the percentage of carbon in tool steel.
3. the operation of tempering.
7. Archaic.  a middle course; compromise.
8. Obs.  the constitution or character of asubstance.
- verb (used with object)
9. to moderate or mitigate: to temper justice with mercy.
10.to soften or tone down.
11.to bring to a proper, suitable, or desirablestate by or as by blending or admixture.
12.to moisten, mix, and work up into properconsistency, as clay or mortar.
13.Metall.  to impart strength or toughness to(steel or cast iron) by heating and cooling.
14.to produce internal stresses in (glass) bysudden cooling from low red heat;toughen.
15.to tune (a keyboard instrument, as a piano,organ, or harpsichord) so as to make the tones available in different keys ortonalities.
16.to modify (color) by mixing with a medium.
17.Archaic.  to combine or blend in dueproportions.
18.Archaic.  to pacify.
- verb (used without object)
19.to be or become tempered.
Looking at 3 and 4 they seem like total opposites. It's a word that describes the way I am feeling though.

There are many things in life I understand waaaaaaaay better than youth ministry. For example, I am in charge of about a half a million dollars worth of technical equipment that's used to run a multi million dollar business. I am trusted and even respected as to my opinion in all matters regarding it, improvements on it, or replacing of it. I get paid well for knowing this rather useless stuff.

I am the proud dad of 9 amazing kids. They continually amaze me with the maturity and love they show.

I am a soccer coach of 14 terrific kids. They are all respectful and obedient (for the most part).

And then, I am a youth guy at a church with very few youth from actual church members. I have been trying to treat them like adults and give them the benefit of the doubt on many issues. Trying to be something that they don't get in the world...But, they just continue to try to be disruptive and disrespectful.

So, what does this have to do with temper? Several things:
-Need to temper (#9) how kids are behaving. I need to temper their attitude.
-I'll need to exhibit a cool temper (#4) yet still let them know how serious this is.
-Need to temper (#10) my attitude and angst toward what I have no worldly authority. Ultimately, the kids are the Lord's and I need to remember that their souls are what's important.
-Maintain my temper (#3) especially in areas where I do have authority and not let this particular role rule my thoughts across all my other roles.
-Eliminate my tempering (#18) of the youth...

I need to temper my attitude and temper the action of the kids without losing my temper.

Mission

She is taking her first missionary trip. I am proud of her and love her dearly. Please be in prayer over the trip.

Lucky

There have been a few weddings and proposals bouncing around. People that we knew as kids are now married and young adults we know now are proposing and accepting and planning their lives together...it starts the old noggin to thinking about my littles.

Here's the short of it. Some parents are going to be extremely blessed by whom their kids get attached and other parents, perhaps, not so much. What I mean is that there are kids I know that I wish I had a mate for so they would get married and I could have them in my family. Those kids would be just a tremendous blessing and add so much to our existing awesome quiver full.

Then I think about it from the other end. Are WE shooting out blessings to others? Will parents of others view our children as added blessings to their families? Then I think, "Well duh..." and move on. :-)

Yeah, my kids are flat. out. the. best.

Attitude

It's quite obvious that things happening in ones life can be reflected in their attitude. Perhaps they shouldn't, but in my case, I usually wear my feelings on my sleeve. It's amazing how hard it can be to alter the attitude without altering the happenings as well. What I mean is it's hard to adjust to the NEW happenings by just making a change in my attitude. Usually, I have to get rid of the stuff that is altering my attitude. Lately, I have been extremely terse, short, and generally cranky. When I reflect on the cause it points to how my life is upside down, how I am struggling with managing time, how my bible study times have been practically eliminated (they are now just reviews for teaching...not my own relationship) and how tired I am when it's bed time. Other things come to light as well; I am not spending quality time with my kids, there is no exercise to speak of, and the guilt of not being more studious really tugs at me. These all exacerbate the condition and a vicious cycle is created.

In my most public role, a youth soccer coach to 14 kids, it's even become evident. I had worked hard on not yelling at my kids in the past years. (Not that I was perfect)...but, would try to encourage the good and not blast out on the bad. With this condition I am in, I have absolutely regressed. It's so disappointing. But, this last game, I had added strength...It was a much more enjoyable environment for everyone.

So, as I try to point to the good and not the bad...please have patience with me. I have somewhat fallen off the wagon and I'm racing to try to jump back on. :-)

Thanks!

Choose wisely

I am feeling behind In everything, but primarily relationships. When times get busy, I tend to focus on low hanging fruit. Things that can be easily knocked out or marked as finished are my primary targets. It's a tactic that I've picked up over the years to make sure stuff gets done at the office. The problem is, strategies that are good in the office don't necessarily translate to smart decisions at home.

For example, this past Monday rain had caused our plans (soccer game) for the evening to be cancelled. It was our first free night in a long time. I quickly place myself in front of my computer, put on a soccer match on espn and started sorting through bills and address changes, etc. One of my boys wanted to shoot his airsoft gun and was asking permission. We hadn't messed with them in months and I told him the batteries were probably dead. But, he could take my BB gun out and shoot it. However, I didn't want him shooting it alone. I was hoping an older brother would volunteer to help him, but he didn't wait for me to set that up. He ran to the back and then ran to me and said "ready dad!". Don't you know that I never left that chair until after the kids went to bed.

I was extremely productive that evening and got a lot of work done that needed to get done. Low hangin fruit...check.

What category did I put my eager son in that evening? What category of his did I move into?

Yeah, crappy huh.

The water's fine

I believe one of the hardest things for me to accept about Christianity is that it's free. To make matters worse it compounds that by saying that anything you attempt to do is as menstrual rags...no matter how "good" we think it is. One of the stories that, to me, illustrates this well is the story of Naaman in the bible. See, Naaman had it all. He was a man of valor and blessed. His servants appeared to actually love him. There was one small detail in his life that was not really considered good, he had leprosy.

Naaman was told of a great prophet that could cleanse him. He approached his king and letters were written and a road trip was planned. He grabbed gobs of money and fine clothes for a gift and eventually visited Elisha. When he arrived, Elisha didn't even see him in person but sent instructions for him to wash 7 times in the Jordan river. You probably already know the story.

The part I really like is the indignation of Naaman at the proposed solution. He brought pounds and pounds of gold and silver, but the solution would merely cost him some trust and potentially humiliation. Doubt had to be prevalent.

It's the same with grace, isn't it? You can't one up Jesus by offering him a "fair" trade for it. It's priced the same for everyone...free. The catch is you have to believe and that may seem humiliating for some...

The waters fine, come on in!

Nice quiet evening

Awesome project

A friend of ours at church is kinda related to our land lord...he found out that Jdude is really into gardening and they started a project for a raised bed. Here's what they ended up with. Great job guys!!! Thanks Mr. A!!

Routines

I really feel productive when I get in a routine. Things are predictable and can be anticipated and that sure does make one look smart and feel prepared. Additionally, planning is simpler since you know what's coming up. Yep...It's always refreshing when a routine starts up.

But, the distance between routine and rut is very short. Those scheduled events can become monotonous. The predictability of it all is such a killer of spontaneity. We all know that a little spontaneous action adds excitement to ones life. :-)

It's such a difficult balance to try to maintain. Especially, now that the sale of the house is complete. It seems that we all want to be "done with it"...that we want to be back in our routines again. The problem is that we've only just begun...

Lord help us adjust to this "chaos" and remember to keep things important that are important...and help us not long for the routine, but the adventure You have us on. In JESUS name!!!

The last thing you see...

I am under the weather today - having an eye funk of pink fashion and a mild sore throat and stuffy nose. I couldn't sleep last night so I got up about 430 and started some laundry since we are so far behind with it since the move action started. Speaking of behind, there are tons of things i can't get done due to this mess, I can't wait until it's all finished. Anyway, in my grouchiness, my wife blessed me with some good advice. She said, "why don't you go take a nap!". In as nice a way someone says something without pushing the grouchy person into an argument possibly could. So, heeding the advice, here I am. Staring at the ceiling. One thing about this rent house is there's no escape. Nowhere that's quiet. So a nap with everyone jostling about is a bit unrealistic. However, I laid there staring at the ceiling.
For whatever reason my mind drifted and I started thinking about folks in a hospital where the last thing that they may ever see on this earth are ceiling tiles or light fixtures. It's really kind of a sad thought.

Then, thinking of mortality in general my thought is, what is the last thing you'd want to see? What would you want your last words to be? How would you want people to remember you?

I realize for some those questions are insignificant and they don't care. But, leaving a legacy is important to me. I want to have loved well and worked hard when I am done. The important thing with that thought is that it can't just happen 2 seconds before your last breath. You won't be able to say the right words and everything fall into place. It's the culmination of life events that shape those kinds of things. It's the everyday.

Then, thinking of how I spend my days reveals a lot of why I have a bit of angst in this arena. Perhaps I'm a little too worried about entertainment. Or, maybe too worried about my time and stuff. Maybe I am a little too quick to anger. Maybe too many things are about me.

So, what about you? How important is your legacy? Is it important enough to make a change today? I hope I do.

Hard work blowing up balloons

Fun with Grandma!!

Playing Korean games.

Who died and made us Judge?

During my youth class the other night most of the kids were in a very vocal state about the Trayvon shooting. Here are some of my thoughts about it.
1. Definitely a sad/bad situation.
2. Absolute truth - is it irrelevant?
3. Lemmings - any of various small, mouselike rodents of the genera Lemmus, Myopus, and Dicrostonyx, of far northern regions, as L. lemmus, of Norway, Sweden, etc., noted for periodic mass migrations that sometimes result in mass drownings.
4. S and s

The loss of life, the confusion, the apparent injustice in so many ways. But, why is this instance so special? I mean, I don't want to take away from the alleged heinousness of it. But, it seems to me that injustice occurs like this daily. Why are my students in an uproar. What about the mom who put her 2 year old in the dryer because the child wouldn't stop crying...then, turned it on and killed the child? What about the white cop that kicked the white lady in the head and knocked her out? A simple search on youtube reveals a plethora of injustices caught on tape. Why has this one been singled out?

Throughout the discussion it has already been decided that the man that shot Trayvon is guilty. Peoples opinions have already been tainted by the news and gossip around schools, offices, etc. There are groups gathering resources to "ensure" justice is served. Celebrities are twittering out the alleged murderers address so that folks can send him hate mail. Unfortunately, they sent out the address of an old couple instead (accidentally apparently) that cannot even return to their home now thanks to death threats...(what about the injustice to them?!!?!?!) The truth is almost unattainable and if the truth is revealed would probably not be accepted by most if it doesn't conform to what people already believe. Does truth matter here? Has the momentum grown too much for an innocent verdict to be decided without a revolt? It reminds me of "Crucify Him!, Crucify Him!". Where the influential opinion would coerce the masses to release a murderer and kill the Savior of the world. I am definitely not saying that the man that killed Trayvon is innocent and the Savior, I am just saying that people are easily influenced to demand the blood of someone in an apparently controversial situation without full understanding of the situation just because the masses are shouting "Crucify him" so to speak.

That leads me to lemmings. Lemmings are a form of rodent. They became the subject of a popular misconception that they commit mass suicide when they migrate. Actually, it is not a mass suicide but the result of their migratory behavior. Driven by strong biological urges, some species of lemmings may migrate in large groups when population density becomes too great. Lemmings can swim and may choose to cross a body of water in search of a new habitat. In such cases, many may drown if the body of water is so wide as to stretch their physical capability to the limit. This misconception gave rise to the metaphor of those who follow aimlessly, even to their own peril. When people are referred to as lemmings, that same metaphor is a reference to people that go along unquestioningly with popular opinion, with potentially dangerous or fatal consequences. (information from wikipedia on Lemmings)...In the same fashion, while I don't think there is a collaborative effort among media executives, we tend to follow the news as fact. And even more absurdly, tend to make important in our lives what they say is important. Let's be honest, the news companies are not in their line of business to benefit mankind, they are in business to make money. It's good business sense to focus on the sensational, controversial and absurd to raise their marketing value to attract companies that want put their advertisements in front of the most viewers eyes'. Yet, as they focus on most crazy issues that accomplish this ... the lemmings follow. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily think the news is evil or attempting to lead the world astray or anything like that...they are just trying to make money. I think the crux of the issue is our inability to discern with wisdom how we should respond to the fantastic...are we lemmings, lead by popular opinion, or are we believers in a sovereign God? Yep, I think those 2 are polar opposites contrary to the lemmings, er, rather, popular opinion. ;-)

Sin vs sin. That's a capital "S" sin vs. a lowercase "s" sin... you know...like MURDER vs. looking down your nose at someone. I mean, really...can we even compare the 2? This is where I think a lot of the issue lies with the Trayvon murder and the uproar that comes with it. It's an apparently easy thing to point at the alleged murderer and say GUILTY without even knowing the facts. Add the fact that in every paper, on every web page, in every classroom the lemmings are repeating what they "learn"...casting official judgment on what they think should happen. The alleged is now condemned without even going to trial. Here's my warning on that...to GOD, there is no difference in Sin and sin. There is no difference in MURDER and having an evil thought. That's right, have you stolen a paper clip? Talked back to your parents? Really wanted what someone else had? Thought about the opposite sex in hormonal ways? All that is sin...all of that separates us from a HOLY GOD. He hates all sin, not just the sins that in human minds are bad...ALL OF IT. So, the question I have is this: How do we, as guilty sinners ourselves, feel comfortable in pointing, talking about, casting judgment on ANYONE else? God is the ultimate judge. God has put/allowed the governments to be established for this type of thing on earth. The best advice is from Jesus on the matter - in Matthew 7:2 "For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you."

So, if we believe in a sovereign God how should we respond to this travesty? In my opinion and in following the example of Jesus, mercy should rule our thoughts. If you are a believer in Jesus, you are the recipients of mercy, grace and love in immeasurable amounts. We need to remember that and heed the advice of our savior in Matthew 7:2. As we make ourselves judges we could be condemning ourselves. Let's be careful how we proceed...remember LUV4-1ANOTHER

Concert issues

Tonight we went to the Redvolution tour featuring 5 bands. It was a great time. But something that happened (besides 140 decibels) that bothered me. I had my monster lens out taking photos. I did it at the last Red concert and didn't have any issues. But, this time a guy asks me if I have a photo pass...a what?!?! So I yell, "no!" and he starts telling me something and I can't hear a word he's saying...the band that was playing was loud. Finally, I understand that I have to get my camera off the premises. Oh well...I take it to the van.

But that wasn't the end of it. Thoughts brewed in my head of whether certain taekwondo techniques would work if I would have just ignored his oversized demand. He'd reach I'd get him in an arm bar and pin his face to a metal pole or something. Why can't u just let things like that go?

Well he was wearing a thousand Foot Krutch shirt...so even as they played, I decided if he's with them, I don't like them either. And it just brewed like that for a while.

So now I let you know that it bugged me, and everythyng's better..

But I had a lot of fun and my ears are still ringing an hour after the music is over.

Here are some of the kiddos that went with me:

Challenged

I am definitely challenged by being in charge of a ministry. While I have a lot of challenges, I would say that there's one area that probably makes things a little more interesting than at most churches. In most, from my limited experience, usually have youth that come since their parent(s) come. The youth that come to my church come because they get picked up. The advantage of this is that they want to be there...the disadvantage is that no one is "encouraging" them to come. It makes it tough to develop any type of consistency.

Last night we must have gone through the story of Abram about 15 times....however, the kids seemed resilient and it was encouraging to see them grasp something that they were not familiar with. I kept them late accidentally...

How do I develop consistency with this group? I am definitely challenged...

Whiney dawg..

My whole family and 2 dawgs are at the park, everyone went geocaching 'cept me and this whiney dawg. I am about to kill it....

Breakfast with the birthday boy!

Lunch with 2 bee-u-ties

Lucky me!!

Dancing bezekers!

Watch out dancing with the stars!

Habits

I read an article since I was curious to know how long it took to form a habit. It referenced the myth of 21 days that a plastic surgeon surmised when he observed how long it took an amputee to learn to do without a limb as true if you've lost a limb. But, for things like drinking a glass of water everyday or hard things like sit ups before breakfast, that number may not work. The article referenced at term - automaticity. As you can guess, as did I, it appears to refer to that which becomes automatic in your life. Things which you no longer have to put out energy to decide if youre going to do something...but just do it. Automatically.

The psychologist drew a chart of his findings and the average was 66 days. Now, I don't put a lot of stock in psychobabble, but I thought that this might be a great thing to challenge us with. 66 days.

66 days to form a habit? Well, I know when it comes to forming a bad habit that number is more like 66 seconds. But, to paraphrase a great quote, anything worth having is worth working hard for. Wow, I butchered that and to top it off I ended my sentence with a preposition. Definitely a bad habit that took 66 seconds and living in Arkansas to burn in my brain.

Now, 66 days...to what?

Hooray for me

Got to have lunch with this young pretty lady!!

Hard times for folks

We know these folks that have lost their baby less than a month from the due date. S.A.D. I can't fathom the loss and while we've lost babies by way of miscarriage, this seems miles different. It was the Saturday before the horrible news, they were at church with more than 50 giddy, giggly, oogling women celebrating this baby. Monday...my wife and I are about to leave for birthday shopping and we get a call from the pastor of our church telling us that the doctors couldn't find our friends baby's heart beat. What?!!?

Things and news like this that hits close to home hurts. It's times like this when you understand a little better what it means by "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another" ..

But, the question I have is why is it so much easier to get closer to someone and have perspectives become so clear when it is mourning instead of rejoicing? At least, it seems that way to me. Here's a little of my research for what it's worth.

Ecclesiastes says, "It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart."

The reformation Bible says it this way - "A funeral provides an indispensable perspective on the universally terminal condition."

Matthew Henry further comments on the Ecclesiastical passage - "It will do us more good, and make better impressions upon us. We may lawfully go to both, as there is occasion. Our Saviour both feasted at the wedding of his friend in Cana and wept at the grave of his friend in Bethany; and we may possibly glorify God, and do good, and get good, in the house of feasting; but, considering how apt we are to be vain and frothy, proud and secure, and indulgent of the flesh, it is better for us to go to the house of mourning, not to see the pomp of the funeral, but to share in the sorrow of it, and to learn good lessons, both from the dead, who is going thence to his long home, and from the mourners, who go about the streets."

Ecclesiastes also has this to say -
"Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth."

Why is it that the hard things are what's best? Why can't we be in better physical condition from sitting on the couch watching football than playing it? Why do the foods that taste the "worst" typically offer more nutritional value? Why is it that working hard at something is more rewarding than if something falls in your lap? Why is sorrow better than laughter?

Booker T. Washington said, “Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.”

Being sad is hard work..

Good article I found that I wanted to remember...

50 Questions to Ask your Spouse on a Date Night
By Zach Terry

Today I met at Starbucks with a few guys to discuss how what we have been studying on Sunday mornings at Capshaw practically applies to our lives. One of the big things we discovered was the need for very open communication and date nights with our spouses. To help with that I want to share this list of 50 questions that are to be discussed with your spouse while the two of you are alone. Don’t try to tackle too many in one setting. It’s actually best if you just get through a few but really talk in detail. Let me warn you that a couple of the questions are specifically only for married couples.


1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?

2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?

3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first?

4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first?

5. What is your favorite color?

6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first?

7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first?

8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first?

9. What gifts do you like?

10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?

11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why?

12. What is your favorite song?

13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man?

14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband?

15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father?

16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man?

17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband?

18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father?

19. What do you fear the most?

20. What other fears do you have?

21. What do you look forward to the most?

22. How much sleep do you need?

23. What do you consider to be your skills?

24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?

25. What are your weaknesses?

26. To ask wife: What things (personal, home, car, etc.) need repairing?

To ask husband: What things around the home need to be cleaned?

27. To ask wife: With what chores and responsibilities do you like my help?

To ask husband: How can I make it easier for you to lead our family?

28. What caresses do you enjoy the most?

29. What caresses do you enjoy the least?

30. What action of mine provides you the greatest sexual pleasure?

31. What other things stimulate you sexually?

32. At what times do you need assurance of my love the most?

33. How can that love be shown?

34. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?

35. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in?

36. What things do I do that irritate you?

37. What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?

38. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first?

39. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you?

40. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth,

appreciations, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide?

41. To ask wife: In what ways would you like me to protect you (physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally)?

To ask husband: In what ways would you like me to respect and reverence you?

42. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you?

43. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life?

44. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to

fulfill?

45. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?

46. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day?

47. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what

motivating factors would be helpful for me to use?

48. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when

you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?

49. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed?

50. What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?

Pastor Zach Terry and his wife Julie have taught marriage conferences and seminars for more over 10 years. Combining Biblical accuracy with a down home southern wit, they bring a fresh perspective to marriage and relationships that is profound yet simple. To bring them to your church or conference call 256-232-7763 or email – zach@zachterry.org.
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•Post by Zach Terry on “Marriage”

Fun with friends

Those racquets are what they were using hunting wasps...ahhhh, good times.

Apparently I rock...

Here is an award I got for making a recommendation to put advertising on our screen savers...it's a rock, with a "u" on it. So it must be true, right?

Happy, er joyful I mean

It appears that we've sold our house. That's 2 in less than 5 years. Here's why we sold it...Debt - I had really felt that the Lord was convicting me to be free from debt. It seemed that everytime we'd move, we would make money and our eyes would get larger and the house a little nicer. Well, Colorado was an exception...but not in price. Price wise it fell right in line.

Currently, our only debt was the home. And the debt appeared insurmountable. But there are other reasons surrounding why debt isn't such a good idea for us.

Our oldest daughter is, in all likely, about to be married. My second oldest daughter is about to make a huge life decision of some sort. My oldest son is about to begin driving. My young boys ate eating us into poverty. My wife's health ain't grand. Our extended family may need extra attention. We feel like the mission field is appropriate. Adoption is a consideration.

Those are a few of the larger items popping up. It's not an exhaustive list by any means. This list may be small to some, large to others. But, the thing is, it's what I have been given. I am responsible for all of it. No, I don't carry the burden solely, but I am primarily the one responsible.

So, we put a for sale sign in the yard. A couple of weeks later it's sold (pending no financing issues). It adds more responsibility considering we don't have anywhere to go or a whole lot of money to buy anything. But, isn't God good!!

Our plan is to erect one of those steel buildings with the money we have, live as we can in it, then build more as we save up. This, too, seems insurmountable at times. But I am praying for the Lord to guide our path. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Awesomize photo

I love this gal...yep

No Haiti this year...

So, I canceled the mission trip to Haiti. I am not sure why Haiti is less important than other things. It may be that it's something that is expensive as well as far away from the family...so, when it comes time to cross things off of lists, things like that are the low hanging fruit to me.

Here are the reasons why it's crossed off:
1. There's a high probability that Sandy's grandmother may be terminally ill.
2. Our income tax return was substantially lower than previous years.
3. We have a new job that we are trying to get established.
4. We have sold our house and will need to figure out where we need to go and build.
5. I have been a skeptic about how we would actually be helping in Haiti for some reason.

Well, I don't know that those are good enough reasons. But, it's canceled nonetheless. My poor, sweet wife considers me to blame for not going (as well as not adopting children)...then says, "it's ok". Yeah, I can see this snowballing.

Probably going to need prayers from those of you that pray.

Lunch in the back yard

After J-dude calmed down from throwing a fit about Bird pouring dirt on his head, they all sat sweetly and enjoyed lunch together. And they lived happily ever after...or, at least happily through lunch.

Kitchen design

You might have to hold your monitor sideways to get the full effect...but don't shake it to hard, you might erase the screen! ;-)Since we've been selling our house, there have been a ton of suggestions for what we should do in a new one. Here my second oldest daughter created a design for the kitchen. By the way, it's on her etch a sketch. She is amazing on that thing. The only thing I could ever do on it was stairs!!

CT at the ENT

He discovered what its like to have an advanced piece of technology jammed up his nose so a doctor could traverse his sinus and see his tonsils. CT remarks - "That was pretty uncomfortable"

Good news is, all is ok for now. :-)

Zboys new vest

Some sweet friends hand me downed a vest to Z. He's been wearing it ever since he saw it.

Gods creativity

Wow, no man has a more creative mind...awesome creature...more awesome creator.

Love the way this reads...

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,

and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;

when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. (Proverbs 17:27, 28 ESV)

A "cool spirit" - that's like the Fonzie of spirits!! ;-)

Being able to not be over reactive to situations - not letting words fly on a whim. That is a cool customer, cool character, a man with a cool spirit.

Beautiful day out

Things happening

This morning I was praying about how fast life is screaming by. We've got things happening every where and others that we are close to have things happening which means those things are on our minds. The kids are shooting up and my hairs falling out. It is an absolute flurry of activity. Then my wife came over and asked if she could be beside me...and it stopped. Everything was put on hold and we had a few minutes of quiet nothing. We filled it with prayer and outpouring of our hearts and listening. Then it was time to get ready to go to work. And the thought occurred to me how prayer was already being answered this morning.

If you don't know how good God is, stop and listen for Him. If you still don't know after that, call me, I'll tell you. :-)

I have been really intimidated by my new job

In case you may not know, I am the new youth minster at Immanuel Baptist Church in Fort Smith. They were brave enough to risk hiring a total newbie! It’s something that I’ve never done before…never even WANTED to do. Now that it’s my job and it’s kind of official and all, I am really intimidated. Give me an IT project, 1.5 million dollars, 500 users dependent on it, 100 Doctors demanding it…Not a problem. In contrast, put me around 5 kids (that are not my offspring) that I need to teach about God…major intimidation.

However, God has been good to me as I seek His direction with it. During my observations of how things are currently rolling, I noticed that the kids were responsive to Bible stories, but I didn’t really know what I could do about that. I mean, there are only a certain number of stories, right? But, this morning my good friend walks up and says, “hey have you heard of the “Story thru the Bible” book?” Literally..wow. Well, I think I found my curriculum. Then, as I was reading some more material I was really comforted by the following psalm. Especially verses 6-8… Hopefully, your day can be encouraged like mine was!

Psalm 112

The Righteous Will Never Be Moved

 ¹Praise the LORD!
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
   who greatly delights in his commandments!
² His offspring will be mighty in the land;
   the generation of the upright will be blessed.
³⁾Wealth and riches are in his house,
   and his righteousness endures forever.
⁴ Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
   he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
⁵ It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
   who conducts his affairs with justice.
⁶ For the righteous will never be moved;
    he will be remembered forever.
⁷ He is not afraid of bad news;
   his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
⁸ His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
   until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
⁹ He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor;
   his righteousness endures forever;
   his horn is exalted in honor.
¹⁰ The wicked man sees it and is angry;
   he gnashes his teeth and melts away;
   the desire of the wicked will perish!

 

  ­­  

Another adventure begins

It looks like I will be hired on as the youth minister for a church. It's a part time job but it's occupying all my thoughts lately.

However, I am going to miss our old church. I love, love, love getting to lead worship. Shoot, I love just playing the guitar during worship. It's an extremely fun/honorable thing to do. I just love it. The cool thing was that the pastor was letting me lead more often it seemed. And I had the feeling, that he might even have asked more as he became comfortable with how we were doing it...But it looks like we will never know now. If I am employed by another church, I kinda have to be at that church...which means I can't be at this one. In addition, the pastor is extremely easy to listen to and does a great job presenting his material week in and week out. Our final week there (this Sunday) is the opening of the new worship center too. Man, I hope I don't cry Sunday...I will definitely miss it.

But, I have a lot to look forward to. A lot! It's an area that I have no training and have never even attempted. In fact, I think I've only been to one youth thing ever...and I wasn't impressed. In fact, my longstanding belief was that youth ministry was no place for youth. Quoting Sgt. York "the Lord sure do work in mysterious ways." So, here we go. A brand new adventure. One that I dedicate wholeheartedly to God. One that I will require full guidance/dependence from God. One that I suspect will sharpen my ability to hear Him as I seek His help. One that I am hoping will draw me even closer to Him....as I boldly seek uncharted and previously unattempted missions.

Engage.

Listening to music - song hits home...

I can relate to this song right now:

Stop the World

Songwriters: Jason Houser, Matthew West

 

The T.V. is talking
The telephone's ringing
The lights are all on and the radio's screaming
A million distractions are stealing my heart from You

I'm tired and empty
This life is relentless
It weakens my knees and it breaks my defenses
It's wearing me down and I'm desperate to hear from You

Stop the world, I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me

I need to be still before I make a move
And I need to be humble with nothing to prove
And I need Your Word to show me the truth
I need time, precious time

Stop the world, I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You speak to me

Stop the world, I'm ready to listen
Show me a sign, just give me a vision of Heaven
That I can hold on to
Stop the world, I need some time with You

Before I can find my voice
I need to hear Your voice
Above all the senseless noise

Stop the world, I wanna get out
I need an escape away from this crowd
Just to hear You, I need to hear You, Lord

Stop the world, I'm ready to listen
Show me a sign, give me a vision of Heaven
That I can hold on to
Stop the world, I need some time with You
Stop the world, I need some time with You

The decline of posting

The buttonless buttons that an iPhone has combined with the "wonderful" auto correction. Makes it difficult to communicate what I want to say when I want to say it...donut (that is an autocorrected word for "so it" when you miss the space.) so it just don't get said. It really takes too much work. I think I am going to try dictating them in dragon and see if that's better...

How is everyone?

Haven't blogged in a while. Too much going on and I've been too lazy. Looking to get back in the swing of things!

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