She's a gettin' all growed up.

My precious 3rd daughter is having a birthday! I can't believe it. It seems like she was just born and now she's 12... what a sweet and precious girl she is.

Love you LB!

Fun time!

When I left my last job my coworkers were generous and thoughtful. They gifted me with a gift card to musiciansfriend online. Nice!! I guess spending a couple of years with some folks revealed some of my hobbies and passions. Now, the question as to what to do with said gift!!! That's the fun part.

 

In the past couple of years I have acquired a few different instruments. In 2008, I purchased electronic drums, in early 2009 an electric guitar and effects. Both of those need amplification to be heard...so, with this gift card I was able to severely discount a small PA system. It's a 100w system so it's really small, but, perfect for what I'd need. It even came with a microphone!

 

It arrived yesterday. When I got home I felt like it was Christmas! My oldest boy and I started cutting into boxes and connecting wires...next thing you know we are pumping out the jams! ;-) My oldest daughter on the drums, my next oldest on the keys, several on the mic singing. I didn't realize how much fun it would be!

 

Oh, my attitude would try to ruin it by barking out commands of various sorts, but, the prayers of my wife were answered (as she was praying that nobody would be sent away in tears due to my "ways") and we just ended with smiles on our faces.

 

I found that several of my kids have a desire to learn instruments and sing. My oldest boy mentioned that he wants to learn the bass guitar! Wow, I never knew that.

 

Not sure how long everyone's interest will last, but, I will try to enjoy it while I can.

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Is it all just wasted time?

Being of a worldly upbringing, I say something like the title to this blog and think of a song I used to know in my teens and early 20's. (It's amazing how words of a song will stick with you for so long.) The group that sings that song is definitely not worth mentioning, nor the lyrics really, save one;

 

Creations colors seem to fade to grey
And you'll see the sickly hands of time
Will write your final rhyme
And end a memory

 

This weekend I watched the movie "Up"... From what I recall of it, it was a sweet little movie. The first 10 minutes of that movie should be played for every living person. It's a great synopsis of events of life...right to the end. Fun, tragedy, challenges, victories, defeats...it really made me stop and think of what I am doing every day to make sure I am living life like I should be. Note to self: I need work in this area.

 

So, this morning I was going over this weekends activities in my head feeling like I destroyed something. It was a good weekend...right up until my oldest sons soccer game. My frustrations with the coach, with expectations of my sons play with the quality of the rest of the team were too much for me to handle apparently. According to my wife, several of my remarks were bad mouthing the coach. Talking about him behind his back as it were. I can't believe I didn't even notice it. It just flowed right out so easily.

 

What causes such frustration? How do I get to that point? I think I am a little over extended right now. My wife brought up many good points that I should take to heart as we talked on the way home.

1. I sorta blew my witness. Not that I was ranting and raving like a lunatic. But, speaking poorly of someone speaks volumes about ones heart.

2. When will I spend time with the rest of my family if I am on the soccer field 4 days of the week? Some are 5 days a week. I have talked about taking the girls fishing, going camping, playing airsoft. It's all around a soccer schedule.  I love the game. I love how excellent my boys are in it....maybe that's why it's hard to let go of it.

 

Seems like a simple solution...get rid of soccer and I get rid of a couple of the things that causes me grief and eats up my days. My thought is that something will come along that will replace it. But, we'll see. I will complete my commitments for this season and drop off the face of the soccer earth from then on.

 

Wish me luck!

 

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Confessions of fear

There are times in my life when I look at what I have been given. Usually, when I do, I start to become afraid. I would guess that it's kind of common...I am not sure. But, this morning I was re-reading a sweet email from my precious wife. Nothing spectacular.. just an email from her letting me into her day. Including me in on her schedule and the pleasant and sweet things that are happening to her at that time...Usually cute stuff about the kids or our dogs or something funny she saw happen. She wants to share that sweetness, funny stuff, hard times, frustrations, etc. with me. Nice...very nice.

 

I have to admit that soon after I realize the awesomeness of such gifts, I get very tight fisted. Like a kid that just got some special treat...I am thrilled and a little scared that it might get taken away or I might lose it. If it was like candy, it get's shoved in my mouth as quickly as possible to keep the loss from occurring. My mouth stuffed full, chewing and swallowing...out of pure selfishness. If I shove it all in my mouth, I won't have to share or give it back..etc. Ya know what I mean?  I think that's where the revelation sets in. That's where, if you are fortunate enough to have a relationship with the Lord, you learn how to really enjoy it and understand what it is that tries to make you afraid. I don't think I have ever enjoyed anything when the fear of losing it overpowered me. I become a slave to the fear of loss...instead of enjoying what I have been given. And understanding that everything I have has really been given as a gift and not earned on my own. That's the difference, I think anyway.

 

I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed...I don't want it to stop so I am trying to shove it all in my mouth. So, as I type all this I sit here and pray that God will help me rest in the message...to overpower my fear with the freedom and joy of the Lord...to hold everything with an open hand and enjoy it while I can.

 

I am feeling better about things already. Thank you Lord.

 

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How do I inspire?

It seems I am a professional at manipulation, but, how do you inspire someone to WANT to do and be great? I doubt that every great person has a role model the exact same way..I mean, I don't intend to NOT be an example but, I can NOT be an awesome soccer player since I am past that ability in my life. Was Albert Einstein's dad also good at math and such? Al Sr.? Oh, all the books written about all the cool formulas he founded and then simply taught Al junior?

 

There is the real question....on things I can't do, how do I inspire one to want to be more than they are at anything without a real role model? Not giving them the ability to just do the thing....but, to want it with all their heart? To burn on the inside for it? How do you make it for EVERYTHING THEY DO? See, I have a dream that my children will want to be excellent at everything they put their hands to. To not settle for mediocrity or average.

 

Hum? It's a brain scratcher for me. I see so many things that need improvement and that are wasteful. I don't want to be a slave driver or shove something down their throats...scratch, scratch , scratch.

 

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I knew I should have not had that last glass..

I was pretty thirsty after an evening of a soccer game followed by a practice from one of my other teams. When I coach younger teams I seem to find that I "demonstrate" a lot more. So, I was running and moving and such...Of course, I make sure the kids have their water but I rarely take anything. Anyway, after I got home it was about 8:30ish...a shower, food, paying some bills, cleaning up my desk and starting a download of Ubuntu put me at about 10:30..I was still thirsty. I gulped down another glass of excellent Fort Smith, Arkansas water...By the way, it's in the running for the NATIONS best water. Honestly had no idea they even compared such things but they apparently do.

 

Fast forward...

 

4:30am - the gravity from the last glass was really forcing that first glass to exit. Pitch black...I can barely make out anything. The journey to evacuate was successful, it should be safe exactly the same way back, right? Wrong! You know how you walk through a congested area when it's dark? Kinda slow with your hands out...when I do that I think that even if I hit something, I'll just alter course and keep going. My trek through the congested area was successful...or was it? As I resume normal "middle of the night" walking speed something whacks me across the shins...I throw my hands out but there is nothing to grab. It's no use, I'm going down... the problem is I am still tangled in whatever it is just under knee height...I topple toward the sliding glass window...Through sheer athletic prowess, I avoid going through the glass. (maybe just luck, but you didn't see it so you have to believe what I type). I do, however, rake my hand through the vertical blinds. So, between me yelling, AHHHHH and the sound of the thick plastic blinds rattling together I envision getting impaled by some unseen item laying on our floor. Instead, I just let out a loud gutteral UHH as I hit the ground...my legs still draped over whatever it was I tripped over.

 

As I crawl back into bed my wife says, "You ok?"

 

Maybe I'll hold off on the water after 9:00pm...it's dangerous.

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Things that make me want to do things differently

I think it's fairly odd how a song, story, movie, scripture or hearing a friends wisdom can really put my thoughts in motion, hopefully, to quickly be followed by action. As I was working I was also listening to one of my favorite bands, Sanctus Real. The song "Half our Lives" was playing and, as many times as I have heard that song, I never really listened to it. I think I do that a lot! ;-)... In any case, these lyrics really made me think of my little ones and how they attempt to live life....how I lived life as a youngster...what is good for my kids...what I am doing that's too "restrictive" or cautious...many, many things pour from my brain listening to this song. Makes me think of how life is so short and how I am living it and affecting those I am living with...I need to be a better steward of my time.

 

Here are the lyrics:

 

Oh I want every second of the minutes in the hours of these days
Cause there's too many trees to climb
And secret spots to find down by the lake
Oh the fireflies are out and momma's calling now

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away half our lives

And we will spend our days finding helpless competition to defeat
Yeah we'll chase away the girls and pretend
that we don't want 'em on our street
Yeah the sun is running too
Being chased off by the moon
And we should go to bed but we'll catch fireflies instead

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away
And I don't want these days to ever be over
We can't let these nights just steal away

Oh just stay awake with me
Won't you stay awake with me
Oh stay awake with me

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away
And I don't want these days to ever be over
We can't let these nights steal away half our lives

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