Confessions of fear

There are times in my life when I look at what I have been given. Usually, when I do, I start to become afraid. I would guess that it's kind of common...I am not sure. But, this morning I was re-reading a sweet email from my precious wife. Nothing spectacular.. just an email from her letting me into her day. Including me in on her schedule and the pleasant and sweet things that are happening to her at that time...Usually cute stuff about the kids or our dogs or something funny she saw happen. She wants to share that sweetness, funny stuff, hard times, frustrations, etc. with me. Nice...very nice.

 

I have to admit that soon after I realize the awesomeness of such gifts, I get very tight fisted. Like a kid that just got some special treat...I am thrilled and a little scared that it might get taken away or I might lose it. If it was like candy, it get's shoved in my mouth as quickly as possible to keep the loss from occurring. My mouth stuffed full, chewing and swallowing...out of pure selfishness. If I shove it all in my mouth, I won't have to share or give it back..etc. Ya know what I mean?  I think that's where the revelation sets in. That's where, if you are fortunate enough to have a relationship with the Lord, you learn how to really enjoy it and understand what it is that tries to make you afraid. I don't think I have ever enjoyed anything when the fear of losing it overpowered me. I become a slave to the fear of loss...instead of enjoying what I have been given. And understanding that everything I have has really been given as a gift and not earned on my own. That's the difference, I think anyway.

 

I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed...I don't want it to stop so I am trying to shove it all in my mouth. So, as I type all this I sit here and pray that God will help me rest in the message...to overpower my fear with the freedom and joy of the Lord...to hold everything with an open hand and enjoy it while I can.

 

I am feeling better about things already. Thank you Lord.

 

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