Joy of the Lord

Would you think it's wrong to desire the joy of the Lord? Sometimes I do. I feel as though my motives are impure. Most of the time, I think that the joy of the Lord equates to MY peace. I want everything to be "good" and my favorite way to experience that kind of joy is when everything is going like clock work. Is that the same as the joy of the Lord?...duh. Nope. But, that's what I desire as joy. There aren't sad, hard, disappointing, discouraging, troubling, etc... times. It's not getting prayer requests that a kid that you coached in soccer constantly undergoes treatments and exams, having chronic seizures. It's not seeing family go to the hospital countless times...just to return home and have nothing change in their lives or lifestyle. It's not seeing your good friends worry about their parents as they get tested for bone cancer. It's not in sudden trips to the ICU. It's not in hearing my wife talk about kids that are hungry. It's not in car wrecks, not in carelessness...not even in taking your kids to have his tonsils and adnoids removed.  It's not in the pain my wife experiences due to some sort of arthritis. It's not in a new church building. Nope, I can find no joy in those things.

Some would say that you need to be thankful that the kid is still ok, that family is still around, that you have friends...etc. As if taking that bad thing and comparing it to the worst thing makes ANYTHING better. But, isn't that just trying to fool yourself so that you think better of something that isn't a good thing by seeing how bad it might or could have been? I don't buy that. In fact, I say that is foolishness and being blind.

So, what is the joy of the Lord? Is it understanding God's sovereignty? That His plan will be executed regardless? I do understand that. However, sometimes the small things that happen working up to then or leading up to the completion of His perfect plan are painful. Pain is often talked about in scripture, such as mourning, trials and the like, it seems like it's to be expected. It's part of life and being a fully devoted follower of Jesus doesn't remove that. Scripture says it will build character, it will strengthen us, it will help us rely more on God, etc. crappy things are GOING to happen.

I'm disappointed, distracted, confused, tired, and ticked off - but, the real test is going to be how I handle that. Not, that I try to cover it up and be thankful it's not something worse. But, that I actually deal with it appropriately.

Now, if I could only figure out how to do that...