Little one....

Dear little one,

Just because you're not here doesn't mean your not mine. How could someone I've never met completely occupy my mind. How could you take a part of my heart? How can I feel this way if I never even knew you.

 

I never even met you.

I never got to kiss your cheek or hush your crying on the birthing table by putting my face close to yours.

I didn't get to get mad at the nurses for shoving a tube down your throat to clear the myconium.

I didn't get to snap 1000 pictures of your first day of life and post them on the internet.

I didn't get to be awakened by the noise coming from your bed as you demand a feeding.

I didn't get to show you how to kick a soccer ball, catch a football or ride a bike.

I didn't get to pull your loose teeth, help change your diapers, feed you or celebrate your first step.

I didn't get to brag on how smart you are or spank you for being ugly to your momma.

I will miss all your successes and failures.

I will miss your hugs, kisses, laughing and crying.

I will miss the way your brothers and sisters would love on you, make you mad and you make them mad.

 

You are the little one that I'll never know. But, you were. And you mattered. And you, somehow, birthed in me a spot in my heart already...a place that was especially yours. A place like each of your brothers and sisters have. A place that's now empty.

God's plans are perfect so I am trying to convince myself that there's something that's greater for you and us in this. It's hard sometimes but we both know it's true.

 

It's so odd and terribly difficult when you have to say goodbye without ever having said hello.

 

Goodbye, I love you.

 

Your dad