Is it hard for you?

Forgiveness is a strange thing. I know when I forgive someone, I am usually just "feeling" like I'll let it go and forget about it. Here's what happens to me though, I'll be driving in the car or working in the garage..and the "thing" that I forgave will pop in my head. Then, I start fuming about it again. I wonder, is that all there really was or, were they really telling the truth , or whatever. It's my sin nature that makes me not want to be the "fool". To let someone else think that they got the best of me...It's truly one of my biggest struggles that I don't share with many folks.  Partial truths are the worst for me...things like, "I did this thing that one time, and I am sorry" plays out in my head..."I really did it a zillion times but, don't want to risk telling you that...and one time sounds so much nicer...so, if he forgives the one time, I'll just use that for all the times and he won't know any difference." The problem is that I WANT the person that I am attempting to forgive to know that I know and they aren't fooling me.... argh

 

What is true forgiveness? What is the kind that God does when He forgives us our sins? Does He sit around and harp on them later?  I would have to say that from the definition of the word, what I am doing is something different. It AIN'T forgiveness...Instead of saying, "I forgive you." I am going to have to say something like, "I will attempt to be forgetful of the thing that you're requesting forgiveness for but reserve the right to bring it up at my leisure for my edification." Because, I sure don't wipe it out....

 

Isn't it such a good thing that God doesn't forgive like me. I can really relate to the story Jesus told about the man that owed a debt to the king and the king forgave the debt...only to walk out on the street and try to throw someone in jail for a debt owed him.  That story is about me.  :-(

 

There is so much that just doesn't matter in life considering where we are in relation to Jesus. Things that we should just drop and realize the amazing mercy each of us has received. Who am I to be upset about that even if it were only a partial truth? Why should it make me feel betrayed? I have a lot of room to grow in this area...I want to just trust the Lord that , despite how I am viewed by any person, I am viewed as forgiven by Him. That I would always have the forgiveness that I received as a crutch for the times when I hand it out....even to someone that may not be totally forthcoming with their request.  I have to pray that I can receive that strength..because it is currently beyond me.

 

Hopefully, you have that nipped in the bud...any advice is desired.

 

 

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