Changes

I have been a drifter lately. Not really good at anything or even interested in pursuing anything. I found that the first thing to go was a desire to further relationships. I notice that people that I am not close to..I don’t care if I get close to. It’s like I am not interested in the work that requires and I am not interesting enough to develop the relationship without that work. So, that gets put in the “too much effort for the reward” column and doesn’t get worked on.

 

However…(sometimes I hate that word)….however, I read a page of a book and it is making me think about my relationship with my kids even more. Are we developing deep relationships or are we rehashing the same ol’ stuff day after day. And, then I heard a song by Lincoln Brewster called Real Life and it spoke to leaving a legacy..and I thought some more.

 

The book spoke to teaching our kids the wonder and amazing-ness of God even in little flowers…The song spoke to leaving a legacy…The book talked about the details of creation and the intelligence of our God…The song speaks of the yesterdays that we had in real life, a place we took for granted. Praying that the moments now as a father, will last.

 

In my rapid and inevitable climb to middle age there are some adjustments that I am discovering I need to make…that I want to make.

 

I want to be a teacher to my kids. Not a professor. When I have had good teachers, they do exactly that…they attempt to take the knowledge they have and form it in a way that the student will understand it, digest it…and have it become their own. Professors…simply profess. The reason for this is blah, blah..the way that goes it blah, blah. They don’t ever seem to “care” about the student to the degree that I would want to as a teacher.

 

I want to be a learner – improve at the things that are worth my time.

 

I want to love others regardless of whether they love me or not.

 

I want to pray more.

 

I want to have a REAL relationship with the Lord.

 

I want my kids to see the importance of all that, I want to be teaching them those things and I want them to claim it for their own so that they have what they need in life to make decisions of utmost importance. They may not ever really say it, but, I would want to have covered enough stuff with enough depth and enough love for them to say, “what would Dad say about that?” Essentially, to have them reflect on our relationship because I cared enough to take the time and do the work.

 

I want to NOT be lazy.

 

Amen.

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