We know these folks that have lost their baby less than a month from the due date. S.A.D. I can't fathom the loss and while we've lost babies by way of miscarriage, this seems miles different. It was the Saturday before the horrible news, they were at church with more than 50 giddy, giggly, oogling women celebrating this baby. Monday...my wife and I are about to leave for birthday shopping and we get a call from the pastor of our church telling us that the doctors couldn't find our friends baby's heart beat. What?!!?
Things and news like this that hits close to home hurts. It's times like this when you understand a little better what it means by "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another" ..
But, the question I have is why is it so much easier to get closer to someone and have perspectives become so clear when it is mourning instead of rejoicing? At least, it seems that way to me. Here's a little of my research for what it's worth.
Ecclesiastes says, "It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart."
The reformation Bible says it this way - "A funeral provides an indispensable perspective on the universally terminal condition."
Matthew Henry further comments on the Ecclesiastical passage - "It will do us more good, and make better impressions upon us. We may lawfully go to both, as there is occasion. Our Saviour both feasted at the wedding of his friend in Cana and wept at the grave of his friend in Bethany; and we may possibly glorify God, and do good, and get good, in the house of feasting; but, considering how apt we are to be vain and frothy, proud and secure, and indulgent of the flesh, it is better for us to go to the house of mourning, not to see the pomp of the funeral, but to share in the sorrow of it, and to learn good lessons, both from the dead, who is going thence to his long home, and from the mourners, who go about the streets."
Ecclesiastes also has this to say -
"Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth."
Why is it that the hard things are what's best? Why can't we be in better physical condition from sitting on the couch watching football than playing it? Why do the foods that taste the "worst" typically offer more nutritional value? Why is it that working hard at something is more rewarding than if something falls in your lap? Why is sorrow better than laughter?
Booker T. Washington said, “Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.”
Being sad is hard work..
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Good article I found that I wanted to remember...
50 Questions to Ask your Spouse on a Date Night
By Zach Terry
Today I met at Starbucks with a few guys to discuss how what we have been studying on Sunday mornings at Capshaw practically applies to our lives. One of the big things we discovered was the need for very open communication and date nights with our spouses. To help with that I want to share this list of 50 questions that are to be discussed with your spouse while the two of you are alone. Don’t try to tackle too many in one setting. It’s actually best if you just get through a few but really talk in detail. Let me warn you that a couple of the questions are specifically only for married couples.
1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?
2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?
3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first?
4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first?
7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first?
8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first?
9. What gifts do you like?
10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?
11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why?
12. What is your favorite song?
13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man?
14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband?
15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father?
16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man?
17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband?
18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father?
19. What do you fear the most?
20. What other fears do you have?
21. What do you look forward to the most?
22. How much sleep do you need?
23. What do you consider to be your skills?
24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?
25. What are your weaknesses?
26. To ask wife: What things (personal, home, car, etc.) need repairing?
To ask husband: What things around the home need to be cleaned?
27. To ask wife: With what chores and responsibilities do you like my help?
To ask husband: How can I make it easier for you to lead our family?
28. What caresses do you enjoy the most?
29. What caresses do you enjoy the least?
30. What action of mine provides you the greatest sexual pleasure?
31. What other things stimulate you sexually?
32. At what times do you need assurance of my love the most?
33. How can that love be shown?
34. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?
35. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in?
36. What things do I do that irritate you?
37. What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?
38. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first?
39. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you?
40. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth,
appreciations, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide?
41. To ask wife: In what ways would you like me to protect you (physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally)?
To ask husband: In what ways would you like me to respect and reverence you?
42. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you?
43. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life?
44. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to
fulfill?
45. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?
46. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day?
47. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what
motivating factors would be helpful for me to use?
48. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when
you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?
49. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed?
50. What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?
Pastor Zach Terry and his wife Julie have taught marriage conferences and seminars for more over 10 years. Combining Biblical accuracy with a down home southern wit, they bring a fresh perspective to marriage and relationships that is profound yet simple. To bring them to your church or conference call 256-232-7763 or email – zach@zachterry.org.
Related articles
•Post by Zach Terry on “Marriage”
By Zach Terry
Today I met at Starbucks with a few guys to discuss how what we have been studying on Sunday mornings at Capshaw practically applies to our lives. One of the big things we discovered was the need for very open communication and date nights with our spouses. To help with that I want to share this list of 50 questions that are to be discussed with your spouse while the two of you are alone. Don’t try to tackle too many in one setting. It’s actually best if you just get through a few but really talk in detail. Let me warn you that a couple of the questions are specifically only for married couples.
1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?
2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?
3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first?
4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first?
7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first?
8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first?
9. What gifts do you like?
10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?
11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why?
12. What is your favorite song?
13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man?
14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband?
15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father?
16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man?
17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband?
18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father?
19. What do you fear the most?
20. What other fears do you have?
21. What do you look forward to the most?
22. How much sleep do you need?
23. What do you consider to be your skills?
24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?
25. What are your weaknesses?
26. To ask wife: What things (personal, home, car, etc.) need repairing?
To ask husband: What things around the home need to be cleaned?
27. To ask wife: With what chores and responsibilities do you like my help?
To ask husband: How can I make it easier for you to lead our family?
28. What caresses do you enjoy the most?
29. What caresses do you enjoy the least?
30. What action of mine provides you the greatest sexual pleasure?
31. What other things stimulate you sexually?
32. At what times do you need assurance of my love the most?
33. How can that love be shown?
34. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?
35. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in?
36. What things do I do that irritate you?
37. What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?
38. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first?
39. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you?
40. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth,
appreciations, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide?
41. To ask wife: In what ways would you like me to protect you (physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally)?
To ask husband: In what ways would you like me to respect and reverence you?
42. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you?
43. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life?
44. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to
fulfill?
45. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?
46. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day?
47. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what
motivating factors would be helpful for me to use?
48. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when
you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?
49. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed?
50. What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?
Pastor Zach Terry and his wife Julie have taught marriage conferences and seminars for more over 10 years. Combining Biblical accuracy with a down home southern wit, they bring a fresh perspective to marriage and relationships that is profound yet simple. To bring them to your church or conference call 256-232-7763 or email – zach@zachterry.org.
Related articles
•Post by Zach Terry on “Marriage”
Friday, March 9, 2012
Apparently I rock...
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Happy, er joyful I mean
It appears that we've sold our house. That's 2 in less than 5 years. Here's why we sold it...Debt - I had really felt that the Lord was convicting me to be free from debt. It seemed that everytime we'd move, we would make money and our eyes would get larger and the house a little nicer. Well, Colorado was an exception...but not in price. Price wise it fell right in line.
Currently, our only debt was the home. And the debt appeared insurmountable. But there are other reasons surrounding why debt isn't such a good idea for us.
Our oldest daughter is, in all likely, about to be married. My second oldest daughter is about to make a huge life decision of some sort. My oldest son is about to begin driving. My young boys ate eating us into poverty. My wife's health ain't grand. Our extended family may need extra attention. We feel like the mission field is appropriate. Adoption is a consideration.
Those are a few of the larger items popping up. It's not an exhaustive list by any means. This list may be small to some, large to others. But, the thing is, it's what I have been given. I am responsible for all of it. No, I don't carry the burden solely, but I am primarily the one responsible.
So, we put a for sale sign in the yard. A couple of weeks later it's sold (pending no financing issues). It adds more responsibility considering we don't have anywhere to go or a whole lot of money to buy anything. But, isn't God good!!
Our plan is to erect one of those steel buildings with the money we have, live as we can in it, then build more as we save up. This, too, seems insurmountable at times. But I am praying for the Lord to guide our path. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
No Haiti this year...
So, I canceled the mission trip to Haiti. I am not sure why Haiti is less important than other things. It may be that it's something that is expensive as well as far away from the family...so, when it comes time to cross things off of lists, things like that are the low hanging fruit to me.
Here are the reasons why it's crossed off:
1. There's a high probability that Sandy's grandmother may be terminally ill.
2. Our income tax return was substantially lower than previous years.
3. We have a new job that we are trying to get established.
4. We have sold our house and will need to figure out where we need to go and build.
5. I have been a skeptic about how we would actually be helping in Haiti for some reason.
Well, I don't know that those are good enough reasons. But, it's canceled nonetheless. My poor, sweet wife considers me to blame for not going (as well as not adopting children)...then says, "it's ok". Yeah, I can see this snowballing.
Probably going to need prayers from those of you that pray.
Here are the reasons why it's crossed off:
1. There's a high probability that Sandy's grandmother may be terminally ill.
2. Our income tax return was substantially lower than previous years.
3. We have a new job that we are trying to get established.
4. We have sold our house and will need to figure out where we need to go and build.
5. I have been a skeptic about how we would actually be helping in Haiti for some reason.
Well, I don't know that those are good enough reasons. But, it's canceled nonetheless. My poor, sweet wife considers me to blame for not going (as well as not adopting children)...then says, "it's ok". Yeah, I can see this snowballing.
Probably going to need prayers from those of you that pray.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Lunch in the back yard
Kitchen design
You might have to hold your monitor sideways to get the full effect...but don't shake it to hard, you might erase the screen! ;-)Since we've been selling our house, there have been a ton of suggestions for what we should do in a new one. Here my second oldest daughter created a design for the kitchen. By the way, it's on her etch a sketch. She is amazing on that thing. The only thing I could ever do on it was stairs!!
CT at the ENT
He discovered what its like to have an advanced piece of technology jammed up his nose so a doctor could traverse his sinus and see his tonsils. CT remarks - "That was pretty uncomfortable"
Good news is, all is ok for now. :-)
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