A bunch of nothing that is a lot to me

Well, 2 more days and my son has his surgery....boy am I nervous. He's a trooper though.

My wife may have a very disabling ailment as well...find out more tomorrow.

Seems I can't talk to anyone without making them cry.

Work is obnoxiously busy.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan, is pounding down the door for a change.

Other prayer needs:

• my good friends dad has 7 crack vertebrae
• the Bandi's
• the dad of a family we love just passed away. Half of their family is sick the other half heading to another state to the funeral.
• a homeschool family dad that I don't know is in ICU with a heart issue.
• my daughter and her troubling dream.
• coworker with gall bladder issues

Phew...tough times!

Kinda worried

My son has a pretty common surgery scheduled for the 28th. I am terrified. I hate the fact that he’s going to be put under and some schmuck has to be responsible for his well being that doesn’t know him or care about him. He is just getting a paycheck. It really eats at me. However, I am pretty confident that the adnoids removal should provide some breathing comfort for him…the tonsils being taken out are a “while I am in there” after thought.

I wish I could be in there watching everyone to make sure they are doing their best and taking care of the precious person they will be cutting on.

Ugh….

My super awesome son…

busy

Wow…it’s a busy time in life. But, there are so many times where it seems I’m bored. I seek out things to do that aren’t very involved or won’t suck up a lot of time just to find that I those minutes were wasted. I have been spending more time defaulting to a couple of hobbies to remedy this listlessness. I am pretty happy with this…. But, hope I can remember to always do the important things over the things that I simply like. I think that the biggest draw right now it my sweet brides interest in expanding our family. It seems God’s best for us is to close the womb. Temporarily or not, it’s what’s going on and while we did make sure there weren’t any medical issues…we are going to try to be faithful and live with that.

 

My wife has been extremely active in working with youth proclaiming the good news of Jesus Christ. She’s a woman on fire, with a mission and executing! Have you seen the commercial where the car is dragging the big anchor down the freeway and the two cops guess 15mph….well, I’m the anchor in this relationship. To some degree I think that it’s healthy to have one of us being on fire and all out and the other with a brake on the handle . I mean, sometimes we can get carried away and we need the reasoning efforts of the one NOT on fire. I am not sure it’s the case with this. I am feeling more like the commercial…everything should be traveling at certain speed and I am keeping it slow.

 

Here’s the thing. I don’t feel like NOW is the time. I do feel that there will be a time but, I don’t know when.

 

I think about how things have transpired over the years and there have been decisions that I “went along” with that turned out to be not the best decisions. Not that things were “wrong” when I went along with them. But, maybe took us on a detour that caused grief, work or a hard learned lesson from the Lord. The first example is when I had a vasectomy. Even in the doctor’s office I looked at my wife and asked, “are you sure this is the right thing?” – “Yep” without hesitation. Well, if you know me at all we spent hours studying, being convicted, spending a lot of money, and enduring some considerable pain to say, “oops, that wasn’t right”. Without a doubt I feel that the path we chose helped shape me into who I am now. But, the truth is that I knew it wasn’t right to begin with…but, went along with it.

Then, there was moving to and from Colorado. The move out was less a thing…but, as we got out there, it was discovered that our reasoning was flawed…but, coming back, I really felt again that I was going along and not making the decisions I should. I am NOT saying that I wish we hadn’t done some of this…but, I am saying that I failed to go with “the gut”…and did what was most pleasing.

 

It’s just very busy.

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Interesting devotional considering how I feel

Jesus said that certain events would signal the nearness of His coming: There will be wars and rumors of wars; there will be famines and earthquakes; Christians will suffer persecution for the sake of Christ; false prophets will come and teach heresy, leading many astray; lawlessness will abound as people do what is right in their own eyes; the authorities will be unable to control crime. Because of lawlessness, people will become cynical and fearful, and their love for others will grow cold (Matt. 24:6–12).

The last line sums me up to a degree....

Another interesting tidbit that I am unclear about is what lawlessness is Jesus referring to? Government or biblical, ot law?

Changes

I have been a drifter lately. Not really good at anything or even interested in pursuing anything. I found that the first thing to go was a desire to further relationships. I notice that people that I am not close to..I don’t care if I get close to. It’s like I am not interested in the work that requires and I am not interesting enough to develop the relationship without that work. So, that gets put in the “too much effort for the reward” column and doesn’t get worked on.

 

However…(sometimes I hate that word)….however, I read a page of a book and it is making me think about my relationship with my kids even more. Are we developing deep relationships or are we rehashing the same ol’ stuff day after day. And, then I heard a song by Lincoln Brewster called Real Life and it spoke to leaving a legacy..and I thought some more.

 

The book spoke to teaching our kids the wonder and amazing-ness of God even in little flowers…The song spoke to leaving a legacy…The book talked about the details of creation and the intelligence of our God…The song speaks of the yesterdays that we had in real life, a place we took for granted. Praying that the moments now as a father, will last.

 

In my rapid and inevitable climb to middle age there are some adjustments that I am discovering I need to make…that I want to make.

 

I want to be a teacher to my kids. Not a professor. When I have had good teachers, they do exactly that…they attempt to take the knowledge they have and form it in a way that the student will understand it, digest it…and have it become their own. Professors…simply profess. The reason for this is blah, blah..the way that goes it blah, blah. They don’t ever seem to “care” about the student to the degree that I would want to as a teacher.

 

I want to be a learner – improve at the things that are worth my time.

 

I want to love others regardless of whether they love me or not.

 

I want to pray more.

 

I want to have a REAL relationship with the Lord.

 

I want my kids to see the importance of all that, I want to be teaching them those things and I want them to claim it for their own so that they have what they need in life to make decisions of utmost importance. They may not ever really say it, but, I would want to have covered enough stuff with enough depth and enough love for them to say, “what would Dad say about that?” Essentially, to have them reflect on our relationship because I cared enough to take the time and do the work.

 

I want to NOT be lazy.

 

Amen.

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Amazing

My wife is very thoughtful…and the weird thing is that she loves my company. Here are some of the wonderful things that she does to prove it:

Leaves me the best notes in my lunchbox

Wants to have date night (with me!)

Gets up in the morning and prepares a breakfast for me to take to work

She knows the foods I love (and hate)

She reminds me of things that I want to be reminded of (and some that I don’t!, but faithful are the wounds of a friend)

We joke around a lot

When I am down…she’s up

She shares what she hears from the Lord

 

May sound small…but these are very personal and wonderful things my wife does for me…she’s amazing!

 

 

 

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Family pic at company picnic

Fun gift JD got

Lack of thought

I have recently been told that I don't go out of my way to make others feel welcomed when they come over. Also, that it appears I'd rather escape then expose myself to potential correction.

Wow, those are a couple of doozies considering I thought I was being a happy go lucky nice guy. I really don't know what to make of it. Was I different at one time and suddenly am unfriendly or were these epiphanies a long time coming? I don't feel any differently, but that may be old age setting in I guess! ;-)

Is it really sinful to not be super friendly or warm? Where is the line on how far I should take the friendliness? Should I invite everyone I meet to dinner?

Part of my angst with the whole thing is that it seems a bit "man made". Maybe if there were scripture that reinforced how we are to behave all the time it would be easier! :-) I guess the point these 2 are trying to make is that there are some meetings/times that are God ordained and that I am not in tune with it. The fear that my introvertedness (if that's a word) is robbing the Lord of opportunities to bless others and or learn something about myself.

I have to think more on this one.

Fishing fun!

The kids had a blast with grandma and grandpa at a little pond at the RV park on Chaffee.