News...

Surely, most anyone that would read this has already read from my wife that we lost our baby to a miscarriage. But, I felt that it would be appropriate that I blog about it too.

This miscarriage has been totally different than the last one. However, some things are the same:
Still sad
Wonder why
Worried for my wife
Worried for our future having more kids

The things that are different:
I am more quiet
I feel judgement
I am reflective on other things due to it
Not as devastated
Disappointed that I shared the news we were pregnant with friends and family.
Dreading the pity that comes with the news of the loss.
Realization how not-in-control we are of things but how Sovereign God is.
I feel sad for my kids but at the same time...kinda glad that they go through this and we are there for any questions or to pray with them..

I read in ecclesiastes last night how much - better it was for those never born. While it may not directly relate, I did find some comfort in knowing that we'd never have to worry about him/her in anything..but especially salvation. Right before that was especially interesting. It stated that EVERYTHING will be beautiful in it's time...even this.

I've received godly council from a couple of friends and land on this; God's ways are not our ways. Thank God for that.

Other Stuff

Mal's birthday was this past weekend. I truly love having a sweet precious little girl amongst all the rowdy obnoxious boys. Don't get me wrong...I love the boys too...But, having this little girl smack dab in the middle of them is pretty special.

I would say that Mal is the smartest just-turned-3 I have ever encountered. She's got a beautiful smile, cute dimples, and manners that match a southern bell...She's amazing>

Happy birthday Bird!!

Clarification on previous post

My wife and I discussed the wording on the previous post in regards to the music ministry. It’s a hard thing to try to type out and convey…I am going to try to clarify what it’s supposed to mean by telling you what it DOESN’T mean and what it DOES mean:

It doesn’t mean :

1.      that I have all the answers or even think I do for MM.

2.      that anything the MM team does or anyone on the team is bad or no good.

3.      that the ideas I had would even work.

It does mean:

1.      That I think the music could be considerably better

2.      That I think I can help that in some way

3.      That I think that catering to people in worship is absurd regardless of the political battles etc.

The crux of the post was to simply state that I am struggling with it all and it is a frustration for me and takes up thought processes, makes hair gray, adds wrinkles to my forehead…etc.

I hope that helps…

Hard times - examples

There have been a string of hard times in the household and it's been weighing heavily on me. I don't have a lot of places to turn with such things since we've moved to Colorado. My closest friends that I would normally share the dismal news with are back in Arkansas.

Here are 2 examples-

I have been amazed at the differences between Ar and Co. I thought we would come to new experiences, wisdom beyond measure, and be introduced to awe inspiring ideas through churches and ministry. It has been none of that. In fact, quite the opposite. One of the great things of the churches from the south are that the older generation pour out so much wisdom. Here, it appears they are viewed as a hurdle or something to accommodate. We actually had a conversation when choosing songs to play for worship where they counted the hymns that we had played to ensure they were happy. I don't know if the older generation would be pleased to know this. Or, maybe that's what they want..... I don't know. It seems like, that of all people, they would understand worship is not about them (or us)...

My wife and I had a great discussion on how to handle issues with the big kids and we discussed what would be the best for the kids and the stage of life they are in....how we don't want to control every aspect of their lives and we have to let them make mistakes.. ....but, that's a big change for me. I just want them to always get it right...never get hurt...be the hero...be the example.

These 2 examples are just more of the same stresses or problems that I have complained abou t in the past...just more things that are outside of my control that I think I should control. Things that I have to let go of. I read Psalms 146 this morning and it spoke to me about this difficult stage that I am going through. "Happy is the man whose help is the Lord." Is the paraphrasing... I know that I don't have control and the King of heaven is in control... He gave me a good word this morning..

So, in trying to figure out how the Psalm applies to my life...

The worship team that I am part of - I was trying to help and make it better...but that's not happening. Again, I am trying to control something outside my control or influence that doesn't want or necessarily even need my help. They are happy with where they are and think that what and how they do things is fine. (Exactly the same mindset I struggle with and am blogging about! Lol) They have the experience of understanding the reactions and dislikes of the congregation and pastor. So, why do I feel the need to interfere? Why should I feel angst over dumb issues like that and try to make changes to something that doesn't matter to anyone anyway. I probably need to move on and let this one not add to the stresses in my life. That's a great help to know that it really doesn't matter in the grand and eternal scheme of things. I need to pray about this more but, at least I know that I don't have to worry about it at all if I choose not to...

My "kids are growing" issues - they are needing the failures and successes from their own hand to help them grow but I struggle with letting them fail. This one is much more complicated..obviously quitting is not an option like it could be with the music ministry. This IS what my life is right now. I need to pray for the patience and knowing when to do what... That's where I can be happy in the help the Lord provides. They're His anyway, He loves them more so I will just pray that He guide me and give me strength..



Sounds easy...

I doubt this reads as I intend it to...

Godly and sagely advice desired!

Some old 3v3 action I ran across...

Here's a pretty exciting game from a few years ago. It was in Tulsa...these guys always put up a good fight. Worth watching!! Kevin Curtis did a good job assembling the team and these are some of Christian's good ol' soccer buddies..Coady, Logan, Kevin, and Trevor...Man, those were fun times!

What a wife...

My wife:

She keeps the house as clean as I want it

She takes care and trains the best kids in the world

She wakes up every morning and prepares a breakfast for me

She does thousands of little things that shows that “I’m first” to her

 

She does all this and more…even when she doesn’t want to.

Even when I:

Forget to show her that she’s first to me

Totally take her for granted

Mess up the house then get upset about it being messy

Leave all the cabinet doors open that I use

Walk around mopey

Leave projects at 50%

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

 

She’s amazing. She’s the real deal.

 

Thank you, Lord, for my wife.

Weekend woes

This weekend was a 3 day weekend for me. I took Friday as a vacation day and the 2 oldest women of the house went out to do girly things. It snowed that day..so that was reason enough for the kids to get excited…they played in it in the morning but, by noon it was pretty much gone. Then we played soccer in the street while the babies napped and Mayf sat in the doorway listening for them. It was a good day.

 

Saturday was also a good day…

 

Then, Sunday. Most of Sunday was good. We played a little soccer in the street, went to church, ate a great lunch…then the wrath of “the dad” was activated. It all happened around dinner time. The wife wanted to have a picture made of the family. She came down to ask (very nicely I might add), but for some reason it rung of pushiness…So, as I got the camera equipment ready and got dressed…I noticed that nobody else was ready. It was turning dark quickly out and seeing how it seemed that I was the only one that she talked to, that was frustrating. Then, she turns Z boy loose in the back yard. Of course, he’s going to think it’s play time. Whenever some tries to keep him from getting dirty or help him with something…immediate tears. That’s going to look great in the picture. Not to mention, the back yard is a total mess. Toys strewn everywhere. I have everyone jump on getting them picked up. In the background I hear LB getting on the boys for how much dog poop is in the yard…although at the time, it didn’t compute. My wife comes out and acts aggravated with me since I am not happy with Z boy being in tears. Then says, “we’re ready”…and I say, “really?” there are only 6 kids here… Just then, JD comes running out of the house with a poop catching sack and JM walks around the corner with the pooper scooper. That’s when it finally hits. I notice someone has scraped fresh dog poo on one of the stairs leading INTO the house and everyone still has their shoes on. I ask JD if he went into the house with his shoes on even though he knew he had dog poo on them. “Yes.” Was the reply… I have got to give him credit for having the guts to tell the truth… “ARRRRGGGHHH” says I.

 

Well, needless to say, 1 little boy was in huge trouble for tracking dog poo…they had to clean the entire family room floor and stairs…(He had to go get something out of his room)…1 little girl was in trouble for redirecting the boys when we were trying to get a picture made. It was MAYHEM. Unfortunately, that’s only the half of it and this usually happens to me when I get upset…I can recall a bajillion things that I am frustrated with at that very instant. So, when the eruption happens, it happens about everything. I was able to recall balls that were laying in certain places for weeks that I had wondered, “why is that ball there”… socks that should have been in the dirty clothes jammed in the box that holds the shoes. Etc. etc. etc. etc.

 

So, nobody was off the hook…in about 30 minutes, I had ranted, tears had flowed and the entire house was spotless and everything put away.  30 minutes…yet for weeks had remained undone. I CAN’T be the ONLY one that sees what needs to be done. I am the WORSE one ever in regards to taking care of stuff…yet, like even now I am wondering why the track that the sliding glass door runs is so dirty…yet will remain untouched, forever, until I rant about it…

 

It’s something that I want to stop, but can’t. Ranting, I wonder if there is a 12 step program for getting rid of it. It’s worse than drugs, I bet.

What do we do?

I was reading an article yesterday online from our local newspaper. The article was in reference to putting up a Jewish Menorah to celebrate the Jewish holiday. It caused a stir… as I read the comments it was fairly sad. Most of the comments were something like, “Separation of church and state”.  

 

There were quite a few amendments that Colorado voted on during the election… 1 was the definition of life as the moment of conception…another was increasing the maximum betting wager in our gambling districts from 1 dollar to 100 dollars. There were quite a few others…but, they were boring dumb amendments ;-) … To be expected with the times and the election results, it appears that life is unimportant. So, the bill regarding life was handily defeated. The betting bill is the ONLY one that passed.

 

These things (among a zillion others) really get me thinking about what’s gone wrong in the world today. I think I have an answer. Well, the answer is to have everyone get right with God…but, that’ll be God’s doing. My solution is much more simple (in words). It’s our kids and our marriages.  Yep, that’s GOT to be it. I referenced a song a few blog posts ago that talked about Christians doing such a good job blending in with the world that non believers can’t tell a difference. I don’t know about you, but, I consider that VERY BAD. There should be a difference. So, back to my “solution”. Let’s take a decade and focus on us. Jesus said something very profound, before you judge someone get the Home Depot Lumber Yard out of your own eye. (Ok, that was paraphrased..)

 

Have you ever noticed that it’s easy to spot other peoples sin? And, we, as Christians are the most guilty of it. We are constantly throwing up our hands with pointed fingers outside the church on a multitude of issues. I am not saying that we are wrong…but, how we go about it is wrong. It has to do with credibility. One of the biggest arguments from non believers are that Christians are hypocrites. Yep… We are. So, just a thought, when was the last time you took action on a hypocrites advice? Now, I know that we can’t be perfect. But, there are some very BIG things that we can correct that will get the world’s attention.  Imagine this… Christian marriage divorce rate 2%.. Christian kids that are obedient, respectful, helpful, thoughtful, not pregnant, not looking to get someone pregnant, dresses appropriately, (insert the beatitudes here!).

 

What are the facts though? Christian divorce rate (last stat I received) is almost identical to non believers. Teen pregnancies among Christian families..almost identical. I challenge you to place a non-believer next to a believer and see if you can “physically” tell the difference. Should you be able to?  What is holy? What is set apart?

 

I think there is a very strong fallacy in how people interpret the scripture that states “be in the world, not of it”. It’s soooo taken out of context. I think it should be like when people cook beans. Usually, they add bacon or something and that bacon never ceases to be bacon, but, the bacon taste runs through the entire batch of beans. It’s usually quite the opposite though and there are even warnings in scripture that back that up. A little leaven spoils the whole batch, bad company corrupts good character. So, instead of the Christian being the bacon, usually, it’s the sin or non believer…

 

So, what do we do?

 

Well, I could rant about this forever so I’ll stop now…

What is work?

What is our work? What is the toil that we put our hands to as Solomon describes? Is it just our jobs? Is that what we are to find our joy in? Or, is it something much larger?

What do you think?

I think my job is defined later in scripture when it is said that "in all things work as unto the Lord and not men". In thinking about that everything would be work, right? Being a husband, dad, employee, friend, follower of Christ, shopper, repairman, neighbor, enemy, son, etc...

Do I always find joy in all those things? Nope. I pray that I will... I imagine that if I did I'd be a lot more useful to God...

Baby a comin'

We are all excited! Found out Sunday that my wife is preggers!! I have to admit that there is also a little fear sprinkled in there. I just pray that I won't take this for granted and enjoy it all.

The job is going well.

We have movie nite this coming Saturday.

Indoor soccer has kicked off and we are playing in a league with teenage boys. We lost our first one 5-3.. Not bad for only coming up to their shoulders.

Tryimg to get in shape by using the treadmill...that thing makes me sick. When I get off it feels like I am dizzy or still moving or something. Not sure about that thing at all!