Turning it in

Are you making a difference?

So, if all the Christians of the world came together and did like Jesus, that is, serving and not condemning…would the world even “want” to persecute us? Shouldn’t we be so “Christian” that the world would say “if we isolated them and killed them all off, who would provide the charity, love the unloved, help us in time of need?” I feel like that if things should be thought all the way through, we should be an asset to have around.

On to personal things..

As I worked in the secular realm (like everyone else) and now as I work in a predominately Christian environment, I see that there were a lot of NON believers what were considerably more considerate than some of the believers that I work with…it really makes me wonder more about true belief. In particular MY beliefs. If I believe, where is the transformation? Isn’t that what should happen? I used to always quote a verse that states,

“ 9 How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
       When will you get up from your sleep?

 10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
       a little folding of the hands to rest-

 11 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
       and scarcity like an armed man.

 It repeats it again later in proverbs:

 32 I applied my heart to what I observed
       and learned a lesson from what I saw:

 33 A little sleep, a little slumber,
       a little folding of the hands to rest-

 34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
       and scarcity like an armed man. ^[a]

And it really makes me curious…have I become lazy? Yes, I have.

The other night as my wife and I were having a discussion and the question came up, “What happened to the man that TRIED to be a better father instead of resolving to ‘this is who I am’?”

Obviously, it was insulting at first. But, wow what an accurate question. All these revelations, all this frustration, all this lack of the fruit of the Spirit…It’s got to be pointing to something. Yes, I long for my brothers to hold my feet to the fire. But, if I can only do it with accountability, is that a form of pride or idolatry? One of my children recently referenced in one of their blog posts that it’s where we turn when we have the struggles that matters.

When I was a new believer, when I would get down or upset, I would throw on some of my favorite secular music and get lost in my headphones. It was soon afterward that God convicted me to lose those CDs. That I was taking my issues to the wrong place. Now, it appears that my support group is something that God has removed from me….as I would take my troubles to them…

I am orphaned. But, there is a Father that is waiting for me to turn to Him. I have been a poor man’s version of a prodigal son. I don’t have an inheritance to blow…but, I have constantly sought my own outlets for my needs or fulfillment.

It must be time…it’s not going to get much clearer I guess. I just have to figure out how.

Lumber Yard

God has used quite a few things to reveal (again) something that my old accountability partners and I used to hold each other to. That if we had a problem with somebody, it was usually US that had the problem to resolve in ourselves.

We would approach each other for each others good. Not our own. If I had a problem with someone being a certain way that offended me...that I would need to evaluate why I had a problem with it and if it needed to be addressed, it was for the offenders true benefit. Not our own benefit in someway.

That's hard...when I had people to help me it got easier to do those things in love. However, without those precious friends to help me, I have back slidden something fierce.

God said that we should remove the Lowe's Lumber Yard out of our own eye before you take the spec out of another's. Emphasis mine. But isn't it so true that we can identify the microscopic issues that others are in but ignore the quagmire of our own problems or even be blind to them.

It's been a good day of "trouble" to remind me of this.

Anyone have a forklift?

Soccer FUN!!!

Have you heard of Coerver's 531 tournament? It's a blast we spent the entire day after Thanksgiving in it. I took Christian to play in the U13 and Joshua played in the U9. The tournament progresses like this:

When you're scheduled to play a team you meet them on the 5v5 field and play. Then, immediately when that is finished you move to the 3v3 field and play. When that's over you meet at the pit where the team faces off in 1v1. The pit is a small little walled off area with small goals. It's intense to watch. It's like watching 2 warriors fight to the death...they battle for 60 seconds, then the next 2 face off..and so on until all 6 of the team have met. So, at the beginning of the tournament you create your 1v1 lineups where none can be the same order. The total of the wins determines the team that wins...you get 3 points for each win...for a max of nine in each round.

It's nonstop action with only about 20 minutes between matches..then they do the 5v5,3v3,1v1 to the next team. They played 6 matches...needless to say, they both slept great after that.

Joshua's team was the youngest in the tournament since they were playing up to U9 and they came in 4th place...Christian's team took 3rd in their division.

It's insane fun and the kids love it.

Joshua got to play with keepers for the first time ever. He was thrilled that he scored a few goals on a keeper. Then, he got to play keeper for the 1st time ever...he said, "I don't like that! I stink!" He was smiling the whole time though. I included a picture of him in goalie garb.

New picture

How do you like the new picture?? I thought I'd play around with it.

News...

Surely, most anyone that would read this has already read from my wife that we lost our baby to a miscarriage. But, I felt that it would be appropriate that I blog about it too.

This miscarriage has been totally different than the last one. However, some things are the same:
Still sad
Wonder why
Worried for my wife
Worried for our future having more kids

The things that are different:
I am more quiet
I feel judgement
I am reflective on other things due to it
Not as devastated
Disappointed that I shared the news we were pregnant with friends and family.
Dreading the pity that comes with the news of the loss.
Realization how not-in-control we are of things but how Sovereign God is.
I feel sad for my kids but at the same time...kinda glad that they go through this and we are there for any questions or to pray with them..

I read in ecclesiastes last night how much - better it was for those never born. While it may not directly relate, I did find some comfort in knowing that we'd never have to worry about him/her in anything..but especially salvation. Right before that was especially interesting. It stated that EVERYTHING will be beautiful in it's time...even this.

I've received godly council from a couple of friends and land on this; God's ways are not our ways. Thank God for that.

Other Stuff

Mal's birthday was this past weekend. I truly love having a sweet precious little girl amongst all the rowdy obnoxious boys. Don't get me wrong...I love the boys too...But, having this little girl smack dab in the middle of them is pretty special.

I would say that Mal is the smartest just-turned-3 I have ever encountered. She's got a beautiful smile, cute dimples, and manners that match a southern bell...She's amazing>

Happy birthday Bird!!

Clarification on previous post

My wife and I discussed the wording on the previous post in regards to the music ministry. It’s a hard thing to try to type out and convey…I am going to try to clarify what it’s supposed to mean by telling you what it DOESN’T mean and what it DOES mean:

It doesn’t mean :

1.      that I have all the answers or even think I do for MM.

2.      that anything the MM team does or anyone on the team is bad or no good.

3.      that the ideas I had would even work.

It does mean:

1.      That I think the music could be considerably better

2.      That I think I can help that in some way

3.      That I think that catering to people in worship is absurd regardless of the political battles etc.

The crux of the post was to simply state that I am struggling with it all and it is a frustration for me and takes up thought processes, makes hair gray, adds wrinkles to my forehead…etc.

I hope that helps…

Hard times - examples

There have been a string of hard times in the household and it's been weighing heavily on me. I don't have a lot of places to turn with such things since we've moved to Colorado. My closest friends that I would normally share the dismal news with are back in Arkansas.

Here are 2 examples-

I have been amazed at the differences between Ar and Co. I thought we would come to new experiences, wisdom beyond measure, and be introduced to awe inspiring ideas through churches and ministry. It has been none of that. In fact, quite the opposite. One of the great things of the churches from the south are that the older generation pour out so much wisdom. Here, it appears they are viewed as a hurdle or something to accommodate. We actually had a conversation when choosing songs to play for worship where they counted the hymns that we had played to ensure they were happy. I don't know if the older generation would be pleased to know this. Or, maybe that's what they want..... I don't know. It seems like, that of all people, they would understand worship is not about them (or us)...

My wife and I had a great discussion on how to handle issues with the big kids and we discussed what would be the best for the kids and the stage of life they are in....how we don't want to control every aspect of their lives and we have to let them make mistakes.. ....but, that's a big change for me. I just want them to always get it right...never get hurt...be the hero...be the example.

These 2 examples are just more of the same stresses or problems that I have complained abou t in the past...just more things that are outside of my control that I think I should control. Things that I have to let go of. I read Psalms 146 this morning and it spoke to me about this difficult stage that I am going through. "Happy is the man whose help is the Lord." Is the paraphrasing... I know that I don't have control and the King of heaven is in control... He gave me a good word this morning..

So, in trying to figure out how the Psalm applies to my life...

The worship team that I am part of - I was trying to help and make it better...but that's not happening. Again, I am trying to control something outside my control or influence that doesn't want or necessarily even need my help. They are happy with where they are and think that what and how they do things is fine. (Exactly the same mindset I struggle with and am blogging about! Lol) They have the experience of understanding the reactions and dislikes of the congregation and pastor. So, why do I feel the need to interfere? Why should I feel angst over dumb issues like that and try to make changes to something that doesn't matter to anyone anyway. I probably need to move on and let this one not add to the stresses in my life. That's a great help to know that it really doesn't matter in the grand and eternal scheme of things. I need to pray about this more but, at least I know that I don't have to worry about it at all if I choose not to...

My "kids are growing" issues - they are needing the failures and successes from their own hand to help them grow but I struggle with letting them fail. This one is much more complicated..obviously quitting is not an option like it could be with the music ministry. This IS what my life is right now. I need to pray for the patience and knowing when to do what... That's where I can be happy in the help the Lord provides. They're His anyway, He loves them more so I will just pray that He guide me and give me strength..



Sounds easy...

I doubt this reads as I intend it to...

Godly and sagely advice desired!

Some old 3v3 action I ran across...

Here's a pretty exciting game from a few years ago. It was in Tulsa...these guys always put up a good fight. Worth watching!! Kevin Curtis did a good job assembling the team and these are some of Christian's good ol' soccer buddies..Coady, Logan, Kevin, and Trevor...Man, those were fun times!

What a wife...

My wife:

She keeps the house as clean as I want it

She takes care and trains the best kids in the world

She wakes up every morning and prepares a breakfast for me

She does thousands of little things that shows that “I’m first” to her

 

She does all this and more…even when she doesn’t want to.

Even when I:

Forget to show her that she’s first to me

Totally take her for granted

Mess up the house then get upset about it being messy

Leave all the cabinet doors open that I use

Walk around mopey

Leave projects at 50%

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

 

She’s amazing. She’s the real deal.

 

Thank you, Lord, for my wife.