She's a gettin' all growed up.

My precious 3rd daughter is having a birthday! I can't believe it. It seems like she was just born and now she's 12... what a sweet and precious girl she is.

Love you LB!

Fun time!

When I left my last job my coworkers were generous and thoughtful. They gifted me with a gift card to musiciansfriend online. Nice!! I guess spending a couple of years with some folks revealed some of my hobbies and passions. Now, the question as to what to do with said gift!!! That's the fun part.

 

In the past couple of years I have acquired a few different instruments. In 2008, I purchased electronic drums, in early 2009 an electric guitar and effects. Both of those need amplification to be heard...so, with this gift card I was able to severely discount a small PA system. It's a 100w system so it's really small, but, perfect for what I'd need. It even came with a microphone!

 

It arrived yesterday. When I got home I felt like it was Christmas! My oldest boy and I started cutting into boxes and connecting wires...next thing you know we are pumping out the jams! ;-) My oldest daughter on the drums, my next oldest on the keys, several on the mic singing. I didn't realize how much fun it would be!

 

Oh, my attitude would try to ruin it by barking out commands of various sorts, but, the prayers of my wife were answered (as she was praying that nobody would be sent away in tears due to my "ways") and we just ended with smiles on our faces.

 

I found that several of my kids have a desire to learn instruments and sing. My oldest boy mentioned that he wants to learn the bass guitar! Wow, I never knew that.

 

Not sure how long everyone's interest will last, but, I will try to enjoy it while I can.

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Is it all just wasted time?

Being of a worldly upbringing, I say something like the title to this blog and think of a song I used to know in my teens and early 20's. (It's amazing how words of a song will stick with you for so long.) The group that sings that song is definitely not worth mentioning, nor the lyrics really, save one;

 

Creations colors seem to fade to grey
And you'll see the sickly hands of time
Will write your final rhyme
And end a memory

 

This weekend I watched the movie "Up"... From what I recall of it, it was a sweet little movie. The first 10 minutes of that movie should be played for every living person. It's a great synopsis of events of life...right to the end. Fun, tragedy, challenges, victories, defeats...it really made me stop and think of what I am doing every day to make sure I am living life like I should be. Note to self: I need work in this area.

 

So, this morning I was going over this weekends activities in my head feeling like I destroyed something. It was a good weekend...right up until my oldest sons soccer game. My frustrations with the coach, with expectations of my sons play with the quality of the rest of the team were too much for me to handle apparently. According to my wife, several of my remarks were bad mouthing the coach. Talking about him behind his back as it were. I can't believe I didn't even notice it. It just flowed right out so easily.

 

What causes such frustration? How do I get to that point? I think I am a little over extended right now. My wife brought up many good points that I should take to heart as we talked on the way home.

1. I sorta blew my witness. Not that I was ranting and raving like a lunatic. But, speaking poorly of someone speaks volumes about ones heart.

2. When will I spend time with the rest of my family if I am on the soccer field 4 days of the week? Some are 5 days a week. I have talked about taking the girls fishing, going camping, playing airsoft. It's all around a soccer schedule.  I love the game. I love how excellent my boys are in it....maybe that's why it's hard to let go of it.

 

Seems like a simple solution...get rid of soccer and I get rid of a couple of the things that causes me grief and eats up my days. My thought is that something will come along that will replace it. But, we'll see. I will complete my commitments for this season and drop off the face of the soccer earth from then on.

 

Wish me luck!

 

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Confessions of fear

There are times in my life when I look at what I have been given. Usually, when I do, I start to become afraid. I would guess that it's kind of common...I am not sure. But, this morning I was re-reading a sweet email from my precious wife. Nothing spectacular.. just an email from her letting me into her day. Including me in on her schedule and the pleasant and sweet things that are happening to her at that time...Usually cute stuff about the kids or our dogs or something funny she saw happen. She wants to share that sweetness, funny stuff, hard times, frustrations, etc. with me. Nice...very nice.

 

I have to admit that soon after I realize the awesomeness of such gifts, I get very tight fisted. Like a kid that just got some special treat...I am thrilled and a little scared that it might get taken away or I might lose it. If it was like candy, it get's shoved in my mouth as quickly as possible to keep the loss from occurring. My mouth stuffed full, chewing and swallowing...out of pure selfishness. If I shove it all in my mouth, I won't have to share or give it back..etc. Ya know what I mean?  I think that's where the revelation sets in. That's where, if you are fortunate enough to have a relationship with the Lord, you learn how to really enjoy it and understand what it is that tries to make you afraid. I don't think I have ever enjoyed anything when the fear of losing it overpowered me. I become a slave to the fear of loss...instead of enjoying what I have been given. And understanding that everything I have has really been given as a gift and not earned on my own. That's the difference, I think anyway.

 

I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed...I don't want it to stop so I am trying to shove it all in my mouth. So, as I type all this I sit here and pray that God will help me rest in the message...to overpower my fear with the freedom and joy of the Lord...to hold everything with an open hand and enjoy it while I can.

 

I am feeling better about things already. Thank you Lord.

 

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How do I inspire?

It seems I am a professional at manipulation, but, how do you inspire someone to WANT to do and be great? I doubt that every great person has a role model the exact same way..I mean, I don't intend to NOT be an example but, I can NOT be an awesome soccer player since I am past that ability in my life. Was Albert Einstein's dad also good at math and such? Al Sr.? Oh, all the books written about all the cool formulas he founded and then simply taught Al junior?

 

There is the real question....on things I can't do, how do I inspire one to want to be more than they are at anything without a real role model? Not giving them the ability to just do the thing....but, to want it with all their heart? To burn on the inside for it? How do you make it for EVERYTHING THEY DO? See, I have a dream that my children will want to be excellent at everything they put their hands to. To not settle for mediocrity or average.

 

Hum? It's a brain scratcher for me. I see so many things that need improvement and that are wasteful. I don't want to be a slave driver or shove something down their throats...scratch, scratch , scratch.

 

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I knew I should have not had that last glass..

I was pretty thirsty after an evening of a soccer game followed by a practice from one of my other teams. When I coach younger teams I seem to find that I "demonstrate" a lot more. So, I was running and moving and such...Of course, I make sure the kids have their water but I rarely take anything. Anyway, after I got home it was about 8:30ish...a shower, food, paying some bills, cleaning up my desk and starting a download of Ubuntu put me at about 10:30..I was still thirsty. I gulped down another glass of excellent Fort Smith, Arkansas water...By the way, it's in the running for the NATIONS best water. Honestly had no idea they even compared such things but they apparently do.

 

Fast forward...

 

4:30am - the gravity from the last glass was really forcing that first glass to exit. Pitch black...I can barely make out anything. The journey to evacuate was successful, it should be safe exactly the same way back, right? Wrong! You know how you walk through a congested area when it's dark? Kinda slow with your hands out...when I do that I think that even if I hit something, I'll just alter course and keep going. My trek through the congested area was successful...or was it? As I resume normal "middle of the night" walking speed something whacks me across the shins...I throw my hands out but there is nothing to grab. It's no use, I'm going down... the problem is I am still tangled in whatever it is just under knee height...I topple toward the sliding glass window...Through sheer athletic prowess, I avoid going through the glass. (maybe just luck, but you didn't see it so you have to believe what I type). I do, however, rake my hand through the vertical blinds. So, between me yelling, AHHHHH and the sound of the thick plastic blinds rattling together I envision getting impaled by some unseen item laying on our floor. Instead, I just let out a loud gutteral UHH as I hit the ground...my legs still draped over whatever it was I tripped over.

 

As I crawl back into bed my wife says, "You ok?"

 

Maybe I'll hold off on the water after 9:00pm...it's dangerous.

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Things that make me want to do things differently

I think it's fairly odd how a song, story, movie, scripture or hearing a friends wisdom can really put my thoughts in motion, hopefully, to quickly be followed by action. As I was working I was also listening to one of my favorite bands, Sanctus Real. The song "Half our Lives" was playing and, as many times as I have heard that song, I never really listened to it. I think I do that a lot! ;-)... In any case, these lyrics really made me think of my little ones and how they attempt to live life....how I lived life as a youngster...what is good for my kids...what I am doing that's too "restrictive" or cautious...many, many things pour from my brain listening to this song. Makes me think of how life is so short and how I am living it and affecting those I am living with...I need to be a better steward of my time.

 

Here are the lyrics:

 

Oh I want every second of the minutes in the hours of these days
Cause there's too many trees to climb
And secret spots to find down by the lake
Oh the fireflies are out and momma's calling now

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away half our lives

And we will spend our days finding helpless competition to defeat
Yeah we'll chase away the girls and pretend
that we don't want 'em on our street
Yeah the sun is running too
Being chased off by the moon
And we should go to bed but we'll catch fireflies instead

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away
And I don't want these days to ever be over
We can't let these nights just steal away

Oh just stay awake with me
Won't you stay awake with me
Oh stay awake with me

We can't go to sleep cause we'll wake up older
We can't let these nights steal away
And I don't want these days to ever be over
We can't let these nights steal away half our lives

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Something that didn't work

A friend of mine at work has a HUUUGGEE music library available that he allows select few listening privileges to. I am on this list! YES... In this collection he has music that I grew up listening to as well as the latest Christian music. It's extensive. I have created a play list and typically work with the music pouring in through my headphones...

 

I was running a server rebuild through a deployment pack...at a point where I had a minute or 2 to myself. Lincoln Brewster was pouring through the speakers and my heart was rejoicing. I grabbed by Blackaby devotional and read today's devotional. As I was about 2/3rds through the reading, the song changed. It changed to a song by one of the groups I listened to as a kid. A non Lord glorifying song. What I experienced was kind of weird. I couldn't focus on my devotional. In fact, I became convicted and promptly removed all the worldly songs out of my playlist.

 

I am sure that there are folks out there that can do that without issue. But, for me, it was like taking a shower and using dirt as soap. It felt counterproductive. It just didn't work.

 

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Horror of horrors

Ok, so I am sitting in a fold out chair in our make shift rent house dining room. I am talking with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. We are getting beds set up and ready for the nights slumber. There is a green "double" chair with a faux table in between that makes for envious nearby campers that may gaze upon it...but, for dining room furniture, it really screams "wic". (If you don't know what wic is...please pause your reading and do a google search, laugh, then resume your reading)

 

Part of our discussions had been how my niece did not want to use the blanket that was resting on the cot...she wanted her own. Unbeknownst to her, that decision saved her life. As preparations continued to be made for our forthcoming rest, the blanket that was on the cot was moved to the green double chair right in front of where I was sitting. We talked a little while longer on the events of my sisters day....it was getting late.

 

In fact, it was considerably past my usual bed time, it was bordering on midnight. I finally resigned to the fact that I needed to get to bed if I was going to be of any use at all to my employer the next day. The "cozy-ness" of the chair kind of inhibits your removal from it. Typically, your knees are higher than they usually are in a normal chair...so your but is lower and it makes it a little more difficult to stand. Not much..but just enough. Add that to the fact that I should have already been asleep for 2 hours and you have a situation that requires a little extra effort. You know, the kind where you lean forward and use leverage from something else to help you stand. The green double chair was in perfect position for just such assistance. I reached out my hand to grab the armrest of the green chair...as I was about to grasp it I happen to glance at what my hand was about to use as leverage...so you can calculate force required, judge the strength of the object, etc. and I noticed something....

 

As I get older I tend to notice that my reflexes aren't what they used to be. The quickness with which I could respond in my younger days far surpasses what I can do now. Reacting to a struck ball, thrown ball, someone's movement was an effortless motion that required very little brain power or processing. As I start up basketball again it's now work. My movements are deliberate, calculated and full of effort. That definitely gives the feeling of un-coordination and clumsiness. But, I had noticed that a year or two ago...that's not the something that I noticed this particular instance. But, understanding this information is critical to the story.

 

What I noticed came straight from a horror novel. The lives of all that were there could possibly be at stake...especially mine.

 

The lights in our rental home are very weak...similar to 40 watt light bulbs.  The height of the ceiling seems to suck away the light as well.  This particular home is bordering on 100 years old and apparently homes back then had 10 foot ceilings. The combination of the ceiling height and light bulb wattage is similar to trying to read a book using the light of the suns reflection off of Mars. But, my old eyes are still sharp. Still able to notice things as I was able to in my youth. Age has not taken its toll on them yet. Even with the advantage of the dimly lit room, I still noticed it. My life would be spared because of my youthful eyes.

 

There it was, and my brain had to process millions of gigaflops of information in a nanosecond as my hand was within a centimeter from the impending doom. Was it a string? A thread unraveling? No...it's too straight. The color's wrong, the way it's protruding from the end of the flat armrest...it's the wrong angle. My arm still moved toward it...time seemed to stand still. My eye traced the anomaly back to it's originating source. Wait...it's slightly under the canvas armrest. Ever so slightly...and there are actually 2 of them, Not just the one I initially noticed. My eye tracked closer to the chair..the 2 piercing threads now looked more like....more like....like antennae...like HUGE antennae....from a  ..................

 

At this point my body regained it's youthful vigor. My arm stopped instantly. In one move, even now I have no idea how, I was out of my chair out of harms way. My entire body of skin was prickly with skittish anticipation. My eyes bolted back toward the spot I saw them. They were gone. Could it have been my imagination?

 

My guests were staring at me with wide eyes of wonder and question. My eyes went back to the armrest of that chair. Is it possible that I was mistaken? Was my mind playing tricks on me? I mustered up all the courage I could to investigate.

 

My fears were realized. My eyes had been true. There it was in all its glory. Defying gravity...thinking it was unseen. Clinging to the chair that I had been comfortable in many times around a camp fire...resting...sleeping...in the security that it offered. Would it ever be the same?

 

It was a roach. Two...possibly three feet long. Hanging there...challenging me.

 

I hate roaches. I despise them. Since we have been at this rent house we have had a nightly murdering of one of it's kin. It seems at almost the same time every night on will be walking across the floor...no more, no less...

 

I slapped the top side of the canvas armrest to dislodge it. But, this was no ordinary roach. It was evil. Pure evil. It hit the ground on it's feet as it must have anticipated that would be my action and immediately charged me. My poor planning helped the vile beast in it's mission. I stumbled into the box fan as I tried to jump back. I almost hit the ground. A roar pierced my ears...not a roach roar...but a sound I had heard before...it was loud. It was...laughter. Could it be that my guest had no idea of the peril we were ALL in??

 

I regained my balance and God had favored me. The roach decided to reconsider its attack and attempted to flee instead. At this point I had fully recovered. I looked for a weapon.  Would I be able to grab the weapon and return to destroy it before it got away?? I'll spare you those details but know that I tried to make it as painful and full of suffering as possible. No mercy...

 

A valuable lessoned was learned. They can either climb metal legs on camp chairs or it was hanging out in that blanket. Needless to say all the possession we own that are at the rent house will be burned after we close on our house Friday.

 

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Without the family

The whole family (even the dogs) went to Tx to visit family. It's fun to hear what happened and who did what. However, being in a rent house really limits things to do on this end of things. So, when they ask me I get to say stuff like, watched Andy Griffith and went to bed.

What do people that rent do as projects around the house? I definitely wouldn't poor money into anything on one myself unless there was some sort of restitution from the owner. I might consider yard work but I don't have a lawn mower (it's in storage).

As I think ahead to purchasing our new home, I try to envision where stuff might go. I really start wondering how we are going to cram all the stuff we had shipped down into this new house...yikes.

Maybe it's time for a big garage sale.

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