Ok, so I am sitting in a fold out chair in our make shift rent house dining room. I am talking with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. We are getting beds set up and ready for the nights slumber. There is a green "double" chair with a faux table in between that makes for envious nearby campers that may gaze upon it...but, for dining room furniture, it really screams "wic". (If you don't know what wic is...please pause your reading and do a google search, laugh, then resume your reading)
Part of our discussions had been how my niece did not want to use the blanket that was resting on the cot...she wanted her own. Unbeknownst to her, that decision saved her life. As preparations continued to be made for our forthcoming rest, the blanket that was on the cot was moved to the green double chair right in front of where I was sitting. We talked a little while longer on the events of my sisters day....it was getting late.
In fact, it was considerably past my usual bed time, it was bordering on midnight. I finally resigned to the fact that I needed to get to bed if I was going to be of any use at all to my employer the next day. The "cozy-ness" of the chair kind of inhibits your removal from it. Typically, your knees are higher than they usually are in a normal chair...so your but is lower and it makes it a little more difficult to stand. Not much..but just enough. Add that to the fact that I should have already been asleep for 2 hours and you have a situation that requires a little extra effort. You know, the kind where you lean forward and use leverage from something else to help you stand. The green double chair was in perfect position for just such assistance. I reached out my hand to grab the armrest of the green chair...as I was about to grasp it I happen to glance at what my hand was about to use as leverage...so you can calculate force required, judge the strength of the object, etc. and I noticed something....
As I get older I tend to notice that my reflexes aren't what they used to be. The quickness with which I could respond in my younger days far surpasses what I can do now. Reacting to a struck ball, thrown ball, someone's movement was an effortless motion that required very little brain power or processing. As I start up basketball again it's now work. My movements are deliberate, calculated and full of effort. That definitely gives the feeling of un-coordination and clumsiness. But, I had noticed that a year or two ago...that's not the something that I noticed this particular instance. But, understanding this information is critical to the story.
What I noticed came straight from a horror novel. The lives of all that were there could possibly be at stake...especially mine.
The lights in our rental home are very weak...similar to 40 watt light bulbs. The height of the ceiling seems to suck away the light as well. This particular home is bordering on 100 years old and apparently homes back then had 10 foot ceilings. The combination of the ceiling height and light bulb wattage is similar to trying to read a book using the light of the suns reflection off of Mars. But, my old eyes are still sharp. Still able to notice things as I was able to in my youth. Age has not taken its toll on them yet. Even with the advantage of the dimly lit room, I still noticed it. My life would be spared because of my youthful eyes.
There it was, and my brain had to process millions of gigaflops of information in a nanosecond as my hand was within a centimeter from the impending doom. Was it a string? A thread unraveling? No...it's too straight. The color's wrong, the way it's protruding from the end of the flat armrest...it's the wrong angle. My arm still moved toward it...time seemed to stand still. My eye traced the anomaly back to it's originating source. Wait...it's slightly under the canvas armrest. Ever so slightly...and there are actually 2 of them, Not just the one I initially noticed. My eye tracked closer to the chair..the 2 piercing threads now looked more like....more like....like antennae...like HUGE antennae....from a ..................
At this point my body regained it's youthful vigor. My arm stopped instantly. In one move, even now I have no idea how, I was out of my chair out of harms way. My entire body of skin was prickly with skittish anticipation. My eyes bolted back toward the spot I saw them. They were gone. Could it have been my imagination?
My guests were staring at me with wide eyes of wonder and question. My eyes went back to the armrest of that chair. Is it possible that I was mistaken? Was my mind playing tricks on me? I mustered up all the courage I could to investigate.
My fears were realized. My eyes had been true. There it was in all its glory. Defying gravity...thinking it was unseen. Clinging to the chair that I had been comfortable in many times around a camp fire...resting...sleeping...in the security that it offered. Would it ever be the same?
It was a roach. Two...possibly three feet long. Hanging there...challenging me.
I hate roaches. I despise them. Since we have been at this rent house we have had a nightly murdering of one of it's kin. It seems at almost the same time every night on will be walking across the floor...no more, no less...
I slapped the top side of the canvas armrest to dislodge it. But, this was no ordinary roach. It was evil. Pure evil. It hit the ground on it's feet as it must have anticipated that would be my action and immediately charged me. My poor planning helped the vile beast in it's mission. I stumbled into the box fan as I tried to jump back. I almost hit the ground. A roar pierced my ears...not a roach roar...but a sound I had heard before...it was loud. It was...laughter. Could it be that my guest had no idea of the peril we were ALL in??
I regained my balance and God had favored me. The roach decided to reconsider its attack and attempted to flee instead. At this point I had fully recovered. I looked for a weapon. Would I be able to grab the weapon and return to destroy it before it got away?? I'll spare you those details but know that I tried to make it as painful and full of suffering as possible. No mercy...
A valuable lessoned was learned. They can either climb metal legs on camp chairs or it was hanging out in that blanket. Needless to say all the possession we own that are at the rent house will be burned after we close on our house Friday.
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